


A Fire Glowing In The Darkness

by Alice_Writes_Stuff



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Historical Hetalia, Human AU, M/M, Mentions of the Ghettos, Mentions of the Holocaust, Most of the characters in this are OCs, Polish Resistance, Sexual Content, The Warsaw Uprising, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-24 00:24:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4898356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_Writes_Stuff/pseuds/Alice_Writes_Stuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1942, Warsaw. Feliks has just lost his parents,a pair of freedom fighters. Left with no choice, he turns to his best friend, Toris, who has fled to Poland to escape being deported to Siberia. Though at first things are fine, it's not long before their feelings for each other, along with Feliks's own national loyalty and stubbornness, threaten to land them in trouble...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

A.N- This is a story I've had in the works for a while now. In case anyone's wondering, it's set in 1942 for the time being, though it will take place over a two or three year time period. There isn't much else I can say about it right now, since I don't want to give anything away. Please read and review! As usual, I don't own the characters or setting.

Chapter One

"Do you really have to go?" Feliks asked his mother for what felt like the hundredth time that evening. She was preparing to go out somewhere with his father. They'd been doing that a lot in the last three years, and he knew he should be used to it by now. Still, he couldn't help but feel uneasy whenever they left. The fact that they wouldn't tell him where they were going just made it worse. Mother turned and smiled at him, sensing his discomfort with the situation.

"Yes, dear. Don't worry, though, we will come back. We always do, don't we?" she sounded so confident, it almost made the nervous feeling in his stomach fade to nothing. Almost.

"Yeah. I wish you would tell me where you were going, though. I mean, I'm sixteen, I think I'm old enough to know now," he hated the fact that they were keeping this a secret. Didn't they trust him? His mother sighed.

"I know that. I wish I could tell you where you where we're going, but I'm worried that if I do you'll follow us, and get into trouble. The whole reason we're doing this is so that you and any children you have in the future can live in a free Poland, without Nazis or Russians. I'm not going to put you in danger now," she pulled on her coat, not saying any more. He wondered what she meant by that- what was so dangerous about his parents' activities, and what did they have to do with freeing their country? He was just about to ask what she was talking about when his father, who had been pulling on his boots, spoke up.

"This will all be worth it in the end, you know. We won't have to live like this forever. Besides, if we don't do anything, if we give up and accept this, the Germans might as well take everything. This is still our country, no matter what they say," Feliks was quiet for a moment, trying to process it all. This was the most he'd ever been told about what his parents actually did every week, and he wanted to know more. His head was swimming with questions, but before he could ask them his mother had already unlocked the door.

"When we come back, we'll talk about this. Right now, though, there isn't time. When we get back, though, your father and I will explain everything."

"Alright. I'll stay here," he really didn't want to, but it seemed there was no other choice. As he watched them go, he couldn't help but feel a deep sense of foreboding. He couldn't say where it came from, though. If he'd known the cause of it, he would've done more to persuade them to stay. As it was, all he could do was smile, wave and pray that he was wrong.

He waited several hours for them to come back. Eventually, he realised that this was probably one of those times when they wouldn't be back until morning. Feeling too tired to stay up any longer anyway, he decided to go to bed. He went up the stairs, and had just entered his room when he heard a knock on the door downstairs. Immediately he froze, panic gripping him. His parents never knocked when he was the only one home, and he couldn't think of anyone who could possibly be knocking on the door at this time of night. Unless… no, that was impossible. His family hadn't done anything wrong! The Nazis wouldn't come for them, surely? He'd heard stories of people who disappeared, but no-one knew why they were taken or what happened to them. Still, he had to check somehow. Fortunately, his bedroom window looked out onto the street below. As quietly as he could, he crept over to the window, trembling already. He heard the knock again from downstairs. With a shaking hand, he opened the curtains just a little and peered outside into the darkness. He couldn't hear anything suspicious, nothing to indicate that there was a truck or car outside. He'd heard that when the Nazis went to take someone away, they never came on foot. Why, he didn't know, but it wasn't something he was very keen to dwell on. The apparent absence of a vehicle made him relax slightly. Maybe it was someone else. Trying to keep quiet, he left his room, crept down the hall and about halfway down the stairs. There was a shadow in the window of the door, but he couldn't tell who it was. The shadow knocked again, and this time he heard whoever it was speak.

"Hello? Is anyone in there?" Feliks frowned, not sure what to do. He recognised that voice, it belonged to one of Father's friends. Normally he'd be nervous about opening the door, and he'd only do it if he had to. Right now, it seemed like he would have to. Maybe he'd find out what was happening where Mother and Father were. Perhaps they'd decided to let him come along after all. He made his way towards the door and opened it. Standing there was Daniel, one of his father's friends, who'd come to visit a few times over the last three years or so. Both Mother and Father seemed to have made quite a lot of friends over the last two or three years, many of whom came over sometimes to talk in hushed voices about things he wasn't allowed to know about. Feliks stared at Daniel, wondering what he wanted. He could remember that Daniel was one of the nicer ones of his parents' new friends, as well as the only one he knew of that wasn't Polish. He was a little taller than Feliks, which was annoying, but he had kind green eyes and dark brown hair.

"Do you want something?" he asked. The way the taller man was watching him was starting to creep him out. What on Earth was happening?

"There's something I need to tell you. It's about your parents," the flat seriousness of his normally cheery voice made it clear he didn't bring good news.

"Alright, come in," he opened the door properly with a shaking hand, hoping Daniel wouldn't notice it. Leading the way into the main room, he sat down in one of the chairs, and gestured for Daniel to sit in the other. "What's going on?" Daniel looked very uncomfortable, and he didn't meet Feliks's eyes.

"I'm not really sure how to say this… I didn't think I'd have to say this tonight," he paused, for a moment, as if he was genuinely struggling to find the right words. After a minute or so, however, he continued. "Feliks, it's about your mother and father. They aren't coming back. I don't know all the details, I just know that someone tipped us off, and the Gestapo found our meeting place. I was able to escape, but Maria and Thomas… they weren't so lucky," Feliks stared at him, confused. What was he talking about? What meeting place? What did the Gestapo have to do with this? It felt as though the world was collapsing around him, and he wasn't sure how to stop it. Right now, it seemed the only thing he could do was try and get as many answers as possible, then hopefully things might start to make sense.

"Um, what do you mean, the Gestapo found our meeting place? What's going on?" Daniel frowned. For a moment, he was silent, but then he continued.

"I should've guessed. They never told you, did they?"

"Never told me what?" he was starting to really wish Daniel would just tell him what was going on and not be so cryptic. He could barely breathe right now, let alone think.

"Your parents have been involved in the Resistance for about three years now. They have been fighting for this country's freedom since the krauts stole it from us in 1939. Until today, they were lucky. However, now it seems that their luck has run out. I'm very sorry," Feliks couldn't think of anything to say. This was the explanation he'd been waiting three years for, the explanation his parents had meant to give him tonight. His head hurt trying to think about it, but he forced himself to wait until later to do that. Right now, he needed to decide what to do next.

"So, what should I do now?" he asked, as calmly as he could. At this moment, he wasn't sure he could do anything, but still, it couldn't hurt to know what his options were.

"Well, that's up to you. My advice would be to leave here and find somewhere else to stay. There's no guaranteeing that the Gestapo won't come here, or that they won't harm you if they do. Even if they don't come, you should probably leave anyway. You'll feel better for it, I think," that seemed very unlikely, but it was better than staying here. He nodded.

"Alright, I'll leave. There should be somewhere I can go, so don't worry about that," he looked up at Daniel for the first time since he'd come in. Putting on a smile, he stood up, leaning on the chair for support. He shakily made his way to the door, gesturing for Daniel to follow him. He managed to get there without falling over and held the door open. Just before Daniel left, he paused.

"Your mother told me to give you this," he said, handing Feliks a small brown pouch. He took it, not daring to open it just yet. If he saw what was inside, he might break down, and he couldn't afford to do that now. There was too much that had to be done first. After Daniel left, he closed the door and tried to think of a rational plan. It was hard to think through all the pain and fear that was currently gripping him, but he managed it just enough to come up with a plan. He just hoped it would work.

It took him a moment to get his thoughts and feelings in order, but once he did he started to put his plan into action. The first thing he had to do was pack his bags. He got two fair-sized suitcases, figuring it wouldn't arouse too much suspicion. Nobody would be able to see him, after all, not with the blackout in place. He filled the suitcases with clothes and valuables, knowing full well what would happen if he left them behind. Before long, he'd filled one of them, and the other was about half full. He walked through the house one last time, checking each room, looking for anything that might be needed. His sketchbook, a hairbrush, an old scarf that had belonged to his mother. Nothing big, because there wouldn't be room. Just the smaller things, things he could carry. By the time he'd finished, there was still a lot of things he hadn't been able to fit in. He sighed, knowing there was nothing he could do about that now. The two suitcases he had were already very heavy, and it would be unrealistic for him to try and carry any more. With one more glance around the hall, he opened his front door and left.


	2. Chapter Two

A.N- Sorry this one took a while, guys. I was busy with school-related things. I’m planning to start updating more frequently, though I won’t make any promises. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter, don’t forget to read and review! As usual, I don’t own any of the characters.

Chapter Two

Toris had been settling down for the night when he heard the knock on the door. Immediately he froze, listening carefully. The noise was frantic, desperate, not the controlled hammering he’d always expected. Tentatively, he climbed out of bed and crept out of the room. He made his way down the stairs, towards the door. Through the glass of the door, he could sort of see somebody. Someone who seemed to be a little shorter than him, though it was hard to make out anything else in the dark outside. He put his shaking hand on the handle and opened the door. Standing on the doorstep was Feliks Łukasiewicz, his best friend and the only nice Polish person he’d ever known. He was holding two large suitcases, a troubled expression on his face. Toris stepped aside and let him in, closing the door.

“Is it okay if I ask what you’re doing here with those suitcases?” Feliks didn’t respond. Instead, he dropped both his bags to the floor, ignoring the huge thudding noise they made, threw his arms around Toris’s neck and started to cry into his shoulder. Immediately, Toris wrapped his arms around Feliks, holding him tight. They didn’t hug very often, but the situation definitely called for it. For several minutes, they stayed like that, until Feliks was done crying for the time being. After a while, Toris led him over to the old, beaten-down couch and sat down next to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he said eventually. To his surprise, Feliks nodded.

“I’m not really sure where to start, to be honest. So much has changed in such a short time, and I don’t know what to do,” he leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. Toris rested a hand on his shoulder. He wanted to say everything would be okay, but he knew Feliks probably wouldn’t want to hear it. Whatever had happened, it had to be pretty big. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be here at this time of night, carrying two suitcases.

“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” he suggested. Feliks nodded again and sat up. He still didn’t look at Toris, though.

“Alright. Well, the whole trouble really started this evening. Mother and Father left to go somewhere, but they wouldn’t tell me where. They’d done that before, so I hoped everything would be okay, like it usually was. After a few hours, though, I… I heard a knock at the door. It was a friend of Father’s, and he… he told me that… they… my parents… they’d been… killed. They’d been killed because they were in the resistance, and they never told me,” he buried his face in his hands again. Toris wasn’t sure how to respond. Briefly he was reminded of his last normal night in Lithuania. He’d been staying with his aunt, and just before he was meant to go home he’d found out that the NKVD had taken his parents. He hadn’t expected it to happen. His parents had been fairly ordinary people. Mother had taught History, and Father had been injured in the conflict with the Poles in the 1920’s. He sighed, not wanting to think about that now. Feliks didn’t know about that, however. He just knew that Toris had ran away from home because it wasn’t safe anymore. Gently he patted his friend on the shoulder, since he didn’t have any better ideas.

“I wish I knew what to say to you,” he said eventually.

“It’s alright. It’s not an easy thing to talk about, let alone try and help someone get through. Don’t worry, though, I won’t stay here long. Maybe just for tonight. Then I’ll go… somewhere, I don’t know. I’ll figure something out,” his hands were now clasped and resting in his lap, and he was staring at the floor.

“Don’t be so silly, Feliks. You don’t have to go anywhere, not until you have a plan. You’re more than welcome to stay here for as long as you need to,” he had a feeling that things probably wouldn’t end well for Feliks if he didn’t stay somewhere safe. First of all, he needed to recover from what had happened to him tonight. Also, it would probably be good for him to lay low for a while, and Toris was more than happy to help him with that. The last thing he wanted was to find out that his best friend had died especially if he hadn’t done anything to prevent it. Feliks smiled weakly.

“No, it’s fine. I shouldn’t bother you any more than I already have.”

“You’re not bothering me, okay? Look, why don’t you stay here tonight, and tomorrow we can make a plan,”

“That sounds reasonable,” Feliks stood up. “Um, where should I sleep?” Toris frowned and thought about it. His house was very small, but until now he’d never really considered it to be a problem. He’d just been grateful to have it, since none of the alternatives were really good. It was better than living on the streets and it had to be better than whatever the NKVD could have done with his parents. Right now, though, the fact that it only had one bedroom was a bit unfortunate under the circumstances. He’d come to this country with the intention of laying low and keeping quiet until the war was over, so he hadn’t really planned on ever having company over. He’d managed to avoid having Feliks over to stay overnight so far, since there would be nowhere for him to sleep. Now, though, he had no other choice. He had to think of a solution. It wouldn’t be fair to ask Feliks to sleep on the floor, and neither of them would fit on the couch. After a moment of thinking, he came to a conclusion.

“There’s only one bed in this house. You can take it, I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Are you sure?” Feliks asked. “You don’t have to give that up for me. I mean, it is your house, after all,” Toris sighed, knowing he should’ve expected something like this. As good a friend as Feliks was, he could sometimes be way too stubborn for his own good.

“Yes, I’m sure. You’re my guest, I can’t ask you to sleep on the floor,” he stood up, leading the way up the narrow, rickety stairs. When they reached the bedroom, Toris got to work making up a bed for himself from a couple of spare blankets and a pillow. Feliks stood in the doorway, watching him. Or at least, Toris thought that was what he was doing. He might just have been very deep in thought.

“Hey, you should get some sleep,” he gestured to the bed. Feliks went to sit down on it, but didn’t make any move to actually lie down.

“All my stuff’s downstairs,” he said with a sigh. Toris frowned at first, insure what this had to do with anything, Then it occurred to him what Feliks was talking about.

“Well, if you want, you can go down, get what you need to get and get changed downstairs somewhere. Or you can just take your jacket off and go to bed as you are. It’s up to you,” Feliks chose the first option. When he came back, Toris tried not to notice the signs that he’d been crying. He knew from experience it was best not to ask too many questions just now.

“Good night,” he said as they both settled down.

“Good night,” came the response, so softly he almost didn’t hear it.

Toris couldn’t sleep. The floor was a lot harder and more uncomfortable than he’d expected. Still, he didn’t have any choice but to go through with it. He continued to try and sleep, until he heard Feliks’s voice.

“Hey, are you okay down there?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” he sighed. Really, he should’ve expected this.

“Are you sure? I mean, that doesn’t look like the most comfortable floor in the world,” this was probably the closest Feliks had come to sounding like his old self all night. Still, Toris knew that they would have to keep up with this current arrangement, at least for tonight.

“I’m fine, Feliks. Even if I wasn’t, there wouldn’t be anything we could really do about it. We can’t swap places, I’ve already said that asking you to sleep on the floor isn’t fair, and I’m really not sure what else we can do,” Feliks sighed, and Toris was pretty sure he was rolling his eyes, even though he couldn’t see him in the dark.

“I’ve got an idea, though it may be a bit of a squash. If you can lie on your side and try not to turn over, though, it could work,” Toris frowned as the realisation of what Feliks was suggesting hit him.

"You can't seriously be suggesting what I think you're suggesting," it couldn't work. It would be too much of a squash. He sighed, knowing it would still be more comforting than sleeping on the floor. It would also probably be a lot warmer, which had to be a good thing. Rolling his eyes, he climbed into bed beside Feliks. He faced away from him, and tried to get some rest. Eventually, he managed to settle down and he drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

A.N- Sorry it's been so long. I lost motivation for this fic for a while, but I decided to come back to it now. I do intend to finish this story, but it may take a while. I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter. Please read and review! 

When Feliks first woke up, he was confused. He was in an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar room. After a moment, he remembered where he was, as well as why he was there. Part of him didn't want to move, but deep down he knew he had to. He tried to sit up, but found a warm arm pinning him down. In his panic, he'd almost forgotten he wasn't alone. He sighed, and glanced at his best friend, who was now clinging tightly to him, presumably in an effort to avoid falling off the bed. Gently, he started trying to lift Toris' arm off him. In the process, his friend woke up.

“Are you alright?” he asked. Feliks rolled his eyes, wondering how he was supposed to answer that. What kind of answer was Toris expecting? He still felt as bad as he had last night, and he didn't know how long it was going to be before that changed. 

“What do you think?” he sighed and tried to get out of bed again. This time, Toris let him go. He started to make his way down the stairs, aware that his friend was following him. 

Breakfast was difficult. It was only a piece of bread, with a little bit of butter on top. It shouldn't really be that difficult to finish. Still, he struggled to swallow anything, and for once Toris' presence wasn't helping. As ridiculous as it was, he felt like he was being watched. That was quite a normal feeling for him, though. It was the main reason why he didn't really like eating in front of other people. After about five minutes of trying, he gave up. He knew that wasting bread like this in wartime was bad, but for some reason he couldn't make himself listen to reason. Maybe he'd be let off on grounds of severe grief. He pushed his plate away and sighed. 

“Feliks,” Toris said with a slight shake of his head. “I know it's tough, but you need to eat. Trust me, I've been where you are, and you'll feel a lot better if you get some food in you,” Feliks narrowed his eyes.

“You understand? I'm sorry, but did you find out that for three years your parents had been going to Resistance meetings without telling you, because apparently they didn't trust you? Did they have so little trust in you that you had to find out what they'd been doing after they died? Did you have to leave your home in the middle of the night and hope that your only friend, a poor immigrant, was going to have room for you? Sure, you must understand what I'm going through so well.” 

Toris stared at him for a moment, like he couldn't believe what he'd just said. Eventually, he spoke, the tone of his voice almost making Feliks shiver. 

“You think you're the only one who's lost their parents? I don't know where mine are, or if they're even still alive,”he paused, before continuing. “At least you had a friend to go to. I was practically going into enemy territory, living amongst the people who injured my father and forced us to move to Kaunus so we wouldn't get killed. The only place I could've thought of that would've been worse would be Russia,” he sighed, shaking his head. “That's not the point, though. The point is, no, I haven't been in your exact situation. I've been through something similar, though, and I want to help you out here. So, let's not argue about who's got it tougher and work together to think of some kind of plan,” Feliks nodded reluctantly. He stared down at the table, unsure of what to do or say. After a moment, he tried eating again. This time, he managed to actually get smewhere. 

After breakfast, they sat at the table. They needed to come up with a plan, that much was obvious. Toris made a list of things that needed to be covered. School, work, money, food and better sleeping arrangements were definite priorities. Anything else could be dealt with later. 

“You know, you don't have to do all this. I can make it on my own.” Feliks said, frowning. Toris just sighed.

“The thing is, you don't have to,” he leaned over and rested a hand on Feliks' shoulder. “I'm with you 'till the end of the line, Feliks.”

They spent the next couple of hours working through the list, and by lunchtime they had a plan. They would stay at school for the rest of the term, at which point they would leave. At the moment, both of them had part-time jobs, and this would remain the case until they left school. Then, they'd look for full-time work. As for money, they'd just have to hope their wages were enough. Food may pose a problem, but only if money did. Finally, it was decided that the narrow bed would have to be sold and replaced with a slightly bigger mattress. That would be done today if possible. They wouldn't be able to get another bed with the money they had, so that was the only option.

“I'll go into town today and take care of that, and maybe get some extra knives and forks and stuff if we've got enough money. Do you want to come with me? I mean, if you don't want to, that's fine. You can stay here,” Feliks thought about it for a moment. On the one hand, he wasn't really sure if he'd have the energy to go out today. On the other hand, the thought of being left here alone wasn't exactly favourable either. He nodded. 

“No, I'll go with you. I might not talk much, but it'll beat staying here on my own,” he went to collect his jacket, scarf and hat. It was only September, but it was pretty cold already. 

As they trudged through the streets, Feliks wondered how Toris could act so calm, despite the surroundings. Couldn't he see the German soldiers marching past, or the bombed-out buildings? Feliks still wasn't used to it, and he'd been dealing with it for three years. Then he remembered that Toris probably didn't know much different, since his country had been at war a long time before Feliks' had. He decided not to comment on it. After all, they tended to avoid talking about things like that. No sense getting into fights over things beyond their control. His thoughts were interrupted when they reached a second-hand furniture shop. 

“Do you want to come in? It's probably best I do the talking, since it's my property, but you can come in if you want,” Toris said. Feliks was glad he wasn't going to have to talk, since talking to strangers made him nervous. He noticed a bench outside the shop, and decided to sit there. He'd barely had a moment to himself all day, and it would be good to take some time to think.

“No, I think I'll stay out here,” before Toris could say another word, he went to sit on the bench. With a slight sigh, Toris went into the shop.

It wasn't until he'd been sitting there for a few minutes that he remembered the bag Daniel had given him. Until that moment, he hadn't allowed himself to think about what might be in it, but now he really wanted to know. Fortunately, he'd put the bag in his jacket pocket before leaving home last night, so he could easily get it out. Opening the bag, he found a locket in it. He recognised it as his mother's favourite locket, the one that had a picture of him in one half, and a picture of his parents in the other. Feliks felt his hands clench into fists, gripping both the bag and the locket tightly. Tears started to roll down his cheeks, but he didn't do anything to stop them. He was vaguely aware of the shop door opening, and someone sitting next to him on the bench. 

“Did something happen?” a soft, familiar voice asked. Where had Toris come from? He decided that right then it didn't matter. The important thing was that someone was there, who cared enough to stay at a time like this. Eventually, he managed to stop crying, and they stood up and started to walk home. 

When they got home, Toris explained that someone would be coming over later to pick up the bed and drop off the mattress. To avoid suspicion, he said it would be best if Feliks stayed in the kitchen, out of the way. Feliks didn't really have a problem with that. Honestly, he would've suggested it himself if Toris hadn't. They decided to take the bed down the stairs now, to save whoever was coming over the trouble of navigating the rickety stairs.

It wasn't until Feliks was in the kitchen, waiting for the delivery men to leave, that he pulled out the locket again. He hadn't put it on yet. He just wanted to look at it for a moment. Staring down at it, he tried to make sense of what had happened to land him in this situation. His parents had been in the Resistance. That much made sense, they weren't exactly the type of people to give up easily. He didn't know much about the Resistance, other than the fact that it was very dangerous, and there was a high risk of getting killed. Thinking about it, it made sense now why his parents had kept so quiet about the whole thing. Still, he couldn't help but wish that they'd said something earlier. Sighing, he looked back at the door. It would be a while before he was even remotely okay with this, he knew that much. Until then, he would have to keep forcing himself to get up in the morning, to eat, to work, to live. He couldn't let this be the end of him, no matter how much it hurt. After all, it was what they would want. He'd just have to keep telling himself that. 

Later, once the delivery men had left, Toris came into the kitchen. For a moment, they stood together, leaning against the kitchen counter, in silence. Then Toris noticed the locket.

“Where did you get that?” he asked gently.

“It was my mother's,” Feliks replied, almost without thinking. He held the locket out so that Toris could see it.

“It's very nice,” he paused, looking from it to Feliks. “Do you want me to put it on for you?” Feliks frowned, thinking about that for a moment. Then he nodded, knowing that he'd rather keep the locket with him and not lose it, and that continually taking it in and out of his jacket pocket would get pretty tiring. Handing Toris the locket, he turned around, keeping his hair out of the way with one hand. It was over in less than a minute, then he turned back to face Toris.

“Thanks,” he smiled, and tucked the locket out of sight under his shirt. “Not just for that, but for everything. Thanks for letting me stay here, thanks for being there for me… thanks for everything, really.”

“Your welcome, Feliks,” that was all he said. At that moment, it was all he needed to say. Feliks smiled his first genuine smile since last evening. Maybe things would be alright after all.


	4. Chapter 4

A.N- Once again, I'm sorry this chapter took a while. I've already started work on chapter five, though, and hopefully it won't take so long to finish. Hopefully you guys like this chapter. Don't forget to read and review! Once again, I don't own the characters.

As the days turned to weeks, Toris was surprised by how quickly the two of them fell into a routine. The biggest surprise, though, was the fact that Feliks managed to get up every day and go to school, or work, or wherever else they needed to go. Toris had expected his friend to hide away in bed or at the very least indoors all day. Maybe he thought distraction would be best, hence why even when he was home he always seemed to be doing something. He insisted on cooking all the meals, cleaning up the house and even mending clothes. Toris wasn't really sure how to deal with it. On the one hand, it was good that Feliks wasn't letting his pain get the better of him. On the other hand, though, all this work couldn't be healthy. It couldn't be healthy to constantly be on the go like this, to never settle down. Especially considering the fact that Feliks wasn't sleeping much. He was getting better at eating, but sleeping was still difficult. 

It was about a month after Feliks had first moved in when Toris decided to put his foot down. In the morning when Feliks started to get up to make the breakfast, Toris grabbed his arm. 

“What are you doing?”

“You've been working too hard lately. I'm giving you a break,” he smiled kindly down at Feliks, who frowned back at him. For a moment, they were silent, just watching each other. Then Feliks spoke.

“You don't have to do that for me. I don't mind the work.”

“That may be the case, but you need to rest. You don't look well at all.”

“I'm fine,” he insisted, folding his arms. Toris couldn't help but think he looked kind of cute like that, but immediately dismissed the thought. It was completely inappropriate. Feliks was his friend. And yet… He sighed, knowing it was pointless. It could never work, no matter what either of them felt. 

“You don't look fine,” that was true. There were bags under his eyes, and you could tell that he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a long time. “Seriously, I'm not suggesting much. Just take one day off, try and get some rest.”

“It's not that straightforward. I can't afford to stop, otherwise I'll start remembering. That still hurts too much,” Toris frowned, unsure how to respond to this. It did explain a lot, but at the same time, it was still worrying.

“Feliks, I know it hurts to remember… but it's still important. You can't just keep pushing this away, it doesn't work like that. Believe me, I know that all too well,” he sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere with this. “Look, just take today off, then you can keep working tomorrow. Alright?” finally, Feliks seemed satisfied. 

“Alright. Just for today.”

The rest of the day passed fairly uneventfully. They went to school as usual, and Feliks was silent more or less all day. When they got home, he went to sit by the window, and didn't move the rest of the day. Even when it was dinner time, he still didn't move. Toris sighed and went to sit next to him. 

“Feliks, are you alright?” Feliks stared up at him for a moment, narrowing his eyes. 

“Am I alright? Well, Toris, I don't know. What do you think? Do I look alright? Is there anything to indicate that I'm alright?”

“Well, not really, but-” he started to say.

“Then why on Earth would you ask if I was alright if you knew the answer?”

“Because you're my friend, and I care about you. I know you're in a lot of pain just now, and I want to help you,” he sighed, knowing it was going to take a long time for Feliks to stop hurting, but also knowing that in the meantime, he'd do whatever he could to help. Without thinking, he reached out and pulled Feliks close, kissing his forehead before he could stop himself. Immediately, Feliks pulled away, and rested his hands on Toris' shoulders. 

“What the hell did you do that for?” Toris frowned, not sure how to explain himself. He could just tell the truth, but now didn't feel like the time. Besides, Toris wasn't even sure if he was in love with Feliks. It was still too unclear. He sighed, deciding to wait until he understood what his feelings really were before admitting them. 

“I thought it might make you feel a little better. I'm sorry, I guess I was wrong,” he stood up. “Dinner's ready, if you want it.”

They didn't say another word to each other until it was time for bed. As he usually did, Feliks went into the one tiny bathroom in the house to get changed. It was probably for the best that he did that. Otherwise, things could end up a lot more awkward than they already were. Toris was on the mattress, trying to get comfortable, when Feliks came back into the room. They both lay in the dark for a few minutes, facing away from each other, neither of them speaking. Then, Feliks rolled over and spoke up.

“Hey, Toris, I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. The last few weeks have been rough, yes, but I shouldn't be taking it out on you. That's not fair on you,” Toris wasn't quite sure what to say. He turned over so that he was facing Feliks. 

“Don't worry about it, okay?” he said eventually. “If you want, we can talk more in the morning. For now, though, let's just try and get some sleep,” Feliks nodded, and Toris closed his eyes.

Another two weeks passed without much event, and it wasn't long before Toris realised he had a problem. Feliks' birthday was fast approaching, and he didn't have the faintest idea what to do for it. It would be his first birthday without his parents, and he knew full well how difficult that would be. If there was anything he could do to minimise Feliks' pain and make the whole experience easier, he would gladly do it.

A couple of days later, he decided to bring the subject up with Feliks. They were having dinner, which today was a small bowl of potato soup. That was one thing that was still the same in this country. There was never enough to eat. Feliks had said that since the war began, the Germans had been taking all the best food, and it seemed he was right. Of course, since they'd moved into Lithuania, they'd also offered a possibility that he'd be able to go back home. Sometimes, he wondered why he hadn't left Poland by now. He sighed, looking up from his bowl at Feliks. Yes, that was why. It would hurt Feliks if he left now, and he couldn't do that. He sighed, looking up from his bowl at Feliks. He could worry about all that political stuff later. Right now, there were other, hopefully more pleasant, issues to address. 

“Feliks,” he began, smiling when his friend looked up at him. 

“Yeah? What is it?” he frowned up at Toris.

“I was thinking… it's your birthday soon, and I know that's going to be tough for you. I wondered if there was anything you'd like to do, any way I could make the whole thing easier for you to deal with.” For a moment, Feliks was silent, looking down at his bowl. Then, he looked up again, his expression unreadable. 

“I want to go to Krakow, if that's okay. My aunt lives there, and she's really the only family I've got left now. I'd like to visit her for the day,” he paused. “Besides… she still doesn't know about Mother and Father. I can… I can tell her that while I'm down there.”

“Alright,” Toris said, unsure how else to respond. “Um, is Krakow far from here? Sorry, I'm not exactly an expert on the geography of this country.”

“It's only a few hours away, if we go by train. Don't worry, I know the way,” they then both returned to their food. Toris was glad he'd gotten that straightened out, now he just had to make the necessary arrangements. 

They decided to leave the day before Feliks' birthday, so that they'd be over in plenty of time. 

“It's weird,” Feliks said, as they took their seats on the train. The seats weren't the best, but they would do for the short journey. “Before the war, it used to be really busy at this time of year. It was a national holiday, the day the Armistice was signed and we gained our independence. Now, though, we've got nothing to celebrate, and everything's way more quiet.”

“The war won't last forever, though. You'll have something to celebrate again soon enough,” he smiled. “Of course, if you ask me, as long as it's your birthday, there should always be something worth celebrating,” he smiled. “Of course, if you ask me, as long as it's your birthday, there would always be something worth celebrating,” he turned to look out the window. Not for the first time, he wondered if he'd gone too far with that last statement. That was the problem with being secretly in love with your best friend. The line between was was and wasn't appropriate to say could often get blurry.

For a while, they were silent. Then, after a couple of hours' worth of travelling, Feliks stood up.

“We're not far from Krakow now,” he said, shrugging on his jacket. “Maybe five minutes, at the most. My aunt doesn't live far from the station, so we should be able to walk there.” Toris nodded, pulling his own jacket on as well and picking up their suitcase. They'd decided that they would stay until the morning of the twelfth, then head back home. Feliks had suggested that they put their stuff into his suitcase, which had been just fine with Toris. At least, it had been, until Feliks had made him carry it. 

After about ten minutes of walking, they arrived in front of a house made of soft yellow brick. It looked large, though in reality it wasn't really. It was just an ordinary house, with two floors, a dark brown door and a fairly small garden, with pale, frost-covered grass and an empty flowerbed at one end. Opening the gate, Feliks led the way to the door. Toris frowned, not sure what to expect. 

“Is there anything I should know before I meet your aunt?”

“I don't think so. I mean, she's my father's older sister, so I don't know what she's going to say about what happened in September. They were really close, before that happened,” he trailed off, his gaze dropping to the ground. By now, they were standing in front of the door. Feliks sighed and knocked. A few moments later, a woman answered it. She had light brown hair in one long braid over her shoulder, in a style that made Toris think of his mother. Her eyes were the same deep green as Feliks', and she looked like she was in her mid-forties. 

“Feliks!” she smiled, pulling him close. For a moment, they just stood there, hugging, then Feliks pulled back. His aunt glanced around, confused. “Where are your parents?” her gaze fell on Toris. “And who are you?” he was just about to respond when Feliks cut him off. 

“This is Toris, my best friend. As for where Mother and Father are… that's a long story. It's not really the kind of story I can tell on the doorstep. His aunt frowned, but stepped aside to let them both into the house. They headed into the living room and sat down on opposite ends of one of the couches.

“Would either of you like a drink?” she asked. They both nodded. What would you like?”

“I'll have tea, if you've got it,” Feliks said, with a smile Toris wasn't completely convinced that he meant. His aunt nodded, then looked at Toris, waiting for his answer. 

“Um, I'll just have the same as Feliks.” She nodded, and left the room. After she was gone, Toris turned to look at Feliks. 

“Are you okay?” Feliks just rolled his eyes.

“Of course I'm not. It's strange… I thought, if I came here… they'd be waiting for me. But they aren't,” he sighed. “So now I really have to accept this,” he got to his feet. “I have to go talk to Aunt Stefania about this.” Before Toris could stop him, he was already out of the room.


	5. Chapter Five

A.N- One of these days, I'll have an author's note for a story that doesn't include an apology for taking so long to update it. Unfortunately, that isn't this day. To make up for it, this chapter is a bit longer than the others, and has a little bit more stuff happening in it. That's the main reason why it's taken me so long to update. That and my computer's been a bit iffy. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this next chapter. Once again, I don't own the characters. 

Feliks headed into the kitchen. He was dreading having to do this, but he knew he had no other choice. It would have to be done sooner rather than later. Better to do it here than in the living room, with Toris there. He could barely think straight around Toris as it was... his kind, bluey-green eyes, his warm, soft voice, his... no, he couldn't think like that, not now. It was completely inappropriate. Shaking his head quickly, he knocked on the kitchen door.

"Yes? What is it?" Aunt Stefania called from within. Feliks sighed and pushed open the door.

"I need to talk to you about Mother and Father. About... why they're not here. About what really happened to them." He had no idea how he was going to begin to start telling this story to his aunt. Should he leave out the Resistance thing? No, the story wouldn't make sense without it. Aunt Stefania set down the teacups she was holding and turned to face him.

"Alright. Are you sure you want to tell me now? You don't want to wait until we're back in the living room?" Feliks shook his head. 

"I'd rather tell you in private. I mean... Toris is great, but I can't really say this with him in the room. It's not really his business." That and the fact that Feliks knew he'd break down, and then Toris would hug him, and possibly kiss his forehead again. If Aunt Stefania saw that, it would definitely not be good.

"I understand. So, what happened? Was there an accident? Are they both okay?" Feliks closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It would be so easy to tell her that it was an accident, that the Gestapo hadn't had anything to do with it. When he opened his mouth to say that, though, the words wouldn't come out. She needed to know the truth. 

"No, it wasn't an accident," he sighed. "In September, they left the house in the evening, and they... they never came back. One of their friends came over a few hours later and told me that they'd... they'd been in the Resistance, and that the... the Gestapo had caught them, and they... they killed them. Mother and Father, that is." He stopped, feeling tears prick his eyes. He quickly blinked them away. He'd already cried plenty over this whole thing. It was only fair to let someone else have their turn.

"Why?" Aunt Stefania asked. "Why didn't Thomas tell me anything? Why didn't I hear about any of this until now? Feliks, this happened two months ago. Why am I only now hearing about this?" She closed her eyes. Feliks frowned, not sure how to justify that. He sighed, and decided telling the truth was his best option.

"I wanted to tell you sooner, but I couldn't. I had school, work, I was busy pretty much all the time," he paused. "Even if that weren't the case, though, I couldn't tell you over the phone or in a letter, and I couldn't bring myself to come down here to Krakow to tell you face to face because it hurt too much." He closed his eyes, relieved to finally get everything out now. 

"I'm not blaming you, Feliks. I understand why you couldn't tell me sooner. Don't worry too much about that, okay?" She wiped her eyes and picked up the two cups of tea. "Can you bring these through to the living room? Ask your friend if he wants milk or sugar." Feliks frowned, part of him reluctant to leave, but after a minute, he did as he was told.

When he got back into the living room, carefully balancing the two cups, Toris stood up and took one of the cups off him, setting it down on the table.

"How did it go?" he asked, sitting back down on the couch. Feliks put his cup down and sat next to him.

"She took it fairly well, all things considered. I mean, I think she was annoyed at me for not saying anything sooner, but that's about it." He moved a little closer to Toris, wanting to feel safe, but not be too obvious. "She asked if you wanted anything in your tea. She said that she had milk and sugar, but I'm not sure. With the war going on, I'd at the very least expect sugar to be a bit hard to come by. Milk I can see her still having, but not sugar. She probably just said it out of habit." He paused, and bit his lip. "I'm rambling, aren't I? Sorry, I really need to stop doing that. I always say either too much or too little. When am I going to learn to find a middle ground?" He sighed. 

"You're not rambling. At least, not as far as I'm aware. Honestly, there's no need to be so hard on yourself. I know it's not easy, but try and cheer up, alright? It's your birthday tomorrow, and Christmas won't be long after that. That's something to look forward to, right?" Toris smiled, and Feliks couldn't help smiling back. 

"Yeah, it is. Although, I'm not sure how we're going to make Christmas work, especially if we don't have a lot of common traditions." He didn't mention the other concern he had, about what Christmas was going to be like on their own, with no family. Toris had once told him that he generally spent Christmas with his parents, his aunt and his younger cousin in Vilnius, and that this would be his second year without that. Feliks, on the other hand, would spend Christmas in Warsaw, generally with as much of his extended family as could come. This year, though, he wouldn't do that. He could barely face it before his parents had died, never mind now. They'd have to continue without him. 

"I'm sure we'll be fine. We've just got to figure out a plan," Toris said, interrupting Feliks' thoughts. Before he could say anything else, Aunt Stefania came back in, carrying a small jug of milk, her own cup of tea and, unexpectedly, a very small dish of sugar. 

"Now, that's all I'm able to spare just now, so use it wisely. It's got to cover all three of us, after all." Feliks stared at her. How on earth had she managed that? Even more surprising, she seemed to have more! "If neither of you mind, I'm going to go and check on something in the kitchen." She disappeared again.

"Your aunt must be very lucky, or very rich," Toris said, after a while. "Possibly both." 

"She did have quite a bit of money, from her husband. When he died, I can only assume that she inherited it all. Though that doesn't really explain why she's living in such a small house, with so little nice things. Maybe she's just saving it, or something," Feliks explained. 

"Maybe." Toris smiled again, and Feliks found himself caught, unable to look away, unable to do anything but smile back. 

Later that night, Feliks lay in bed, trying to settle down. Aunt Stefania had let him share a room with Toris, but the room in question had two single beds. At first, this had been fine. Now, though, he wasn't so sure. It wasn't so much the bed that was the problem, it was more how it felt. Cold, empty, like there was something missing. Or someone. He stood up, made his way across the room. This was a bad idea, he knew that well enough, but still, he wasn't going to turn back now. Gently, he nudged his sleeping friend.

"Hey, can you make a little room? I can't sleep." Toris sat up, raised an eyebrow. 

"And you think the solution to that is to hop into my bed?"

"Please? I know it sounds crazy, but I've gotten used to you being there, and it feels weird without you." Toris sighed and moved over slightly, lying down on his side to give Feliks a little more space. He climbed into bed, facing away from his friend, as he usually did. He was surprised, however, to feel Toris' arms wrap around him, pulling him close. "Um, what are you doing?" he asked nervously.

"Just making sure you don't fall off the bed," Toris whispered from behind him. Feliks couldn't help smiling, and soon drifted off to sleep. 

The next morning, Feliks woke early. He found that his arms were wrapped around Toris, but he decided not to say anything about it. Instead, he let go, and turned away once again. It was easier than being able to look at his friend, when he was already close enough to kiss. He sighed. He wasn't sure when exactly all this mess with Toris had started, but he knew that it was too late to stop. Even if he could turn back, he wasn't sure that he wanted to. Toris was keeping him sane, stopping him from sinking too deeply into despair over what had happened in September. Of course, it helped that his friend was so kind. It made him want to do things to return the favour, whether by cooking the meals, helping carry shopping or just by going to work and bringing money into the house. He didn't feel right doing nothing. After a moment, he turned his head to look at Toris, who was still asleep.

"Hey," he whispered. "Wake up." Toris sighed, and opened his eyes. This close up, Feliks could see that, in this lighting at least, they were more green than blue. 

"Do I have to?" Feliks rolled his eyes. 

"Well, not necessarily. I just thought, since it was my birthday, you might want to wake up a little earlier." 

"I know that it's your birthday, but if it's all the same to you, I'd rather stay asleep a little longer. Maybe you should try and get some more sleep too. You haven't gotten enough lately."

"I wonder why," Feliks muttered. All the same, he did still feel a bit tired. Letting his eyes close, he drifted off again. 

Later that morning, Feliks sat at the table, eating a plate of bread and jam. It wasn't much, but he wasn't going to complain. He was just happy to be here. When the meal finished, he noticed two packages on the table next to his plate. He reached for one of them. Toris noticed, and smiled at him.

"That one's mine. I think the other one's from your aunt." Feliks examined the package in his hand. 

"You didn't have to get me anything," he whispered, and slowly opened it. Inside, he found a small fabric poppy, attached to a pin, a tiny piece of white and red ribbon wrapped around the stem. Feliks stared at it. Did Toris even realise what a big deal this could be? The flower had been a Polish symbol, back before the Nazis invaded and Poland's national identity was trampled beneath Hitler's big boot. The colours of the ribbon were equally dangerous. Wearing something like this was bordering on wearing a symbol of revolution. 

"Where did you get this?" Feliks whispered, glad that Aunt Stefania was too busy reading to really pay attention. 

"A guy was selling them in the street about a week before your birthday. Why, is there a problem with it?" 

"Toris... you do know what this is, right?" When Toris shook his head, Feliks sighed and continued. "the poppy was the national flower of Poland, before the war. White and red are the colours of the Polish flag."

"How is that a problem, exactly?" 

"According to the laws of the Third Reich, Poles are racially inferior. Therefore, our culture is basically viewed the same way, inferior, and we aren't really supposed to have it. The Nazis want to wipe us off the map, so something like this is particularly dangerous. If I'm seen with this, they'll think I'm part of the Resistance, and they'll take me away." That thought made him shiver. He shook it out of his head. When he looked up at Toris, he was wide-eyed, his face turned pale. 

"I didn't realise... I'm sorry, Feliks." He held out his hand. "Look, give it here, I'll get you a better present." Feliks frowned, considering it. On the one hand, he couldn't wear the flower in public, it was too risky. On the other hand, he didn't want to let go of it. Looking at it made him feel brave, defiant. The Nazis had already taken so much from him. He deserved to keep this little flower, just to show that they couldn't take everything away. He smiled up at Toris. 

"Don't apologise. You didn't know, after all. Don't bother getting me another present, either. I want to keep this one. If I don't, it feels like I've given up, allowed something else to be taken away." Toris smiled, and nodded. 

"I understand. Still, you should probably hide it, just to be on the safe side."

"Good idea." Feliks then turned his attention to the other package. It turned out to be much more innocuous, a small packet of Polish sweets. It still made him smile. Most of the sweets and cakes in the shops these days were German. It was rare to find anything else. He glanced over at his aunt, and she smiled back. Clearly, it had been intentional. 

The rest of the day passed fairly quietly. Aunt Stefania stayed in her room all day, emerging only at mealtimes. After dinner, Feliks suggested going for a walk to Castle Park, intending on showing Toris the dragon statute there. Unfortunately, his friend wasn't interested, wanting instead to explore the house. It wasn't long before he came across his aunt's old gramophone. Feliks stared at him. 

"You can't use that." 

"Why not? I can turn the volume down, can't I?" 

"I'm pretty sure you can. That's not even the point. Why do you want to use the gramophone to begin with?" 

"You'll see." Toris smiled, and turned back to setting it up. When he was done, the gramophone started playing a soft tune Feliks couldn't place. Toris turned back around and held out his hand. 

"Do you know how to dance?" Feliks just started at him for a moment. 

"What?" 

"Can you dance?" Toris repeated, smiling.

"I don't know. I've never really done it. Can you?"

"I think so. How hard can it be? Look, come over here and we'll figure it out." Feliks went and stood in front of Toris, taking the hand he'd been offered. He felt his face heat up a little when Toris rested his other hand on his hip. "Put your other hand on my shoulder, alright?" he paused. "Unless you'd rather lead, that is." Feliks shook his head and tested his free hand on Toris' shoulder. He looked down at their feet, raising just how close they were standing. Was that completely necessary? "Feliks." His eyes flicked back up to Toris'. 

"Yeah?" 

"Are you alright with this? You seem a bit... I don't know, nervous." 'I'm only nervous because you're holding me so close, and it's making my heart beat faster and I don't know how to deal with it,' he thought, but didn't say. Instead, he smiled. 

"I'm fine! Don't worry about me. Um, what do we do now?" Toris smiled again, and Feliks felt his heart race so fast he was surprised his friend didn't notice. 

"I don't think there's any set thing we do. Um, let's start with this." He started to move across the floor in a circle, taking Feliks with him. Occasionally, he'd raise his arm and spin Feliks under it. "Maybe one day, when the war's over, we can go dancing properly," he suggested after a few minutes. 

"Maybe." Feliks frowned. "Will I have to wear a dress?" Toris laughed. 

"Only if you want to." He regarded Feliks for a moment. "Although, you might look nice in one. Green, perhaps, to bring out your eyes." It was Feliks' turn to laugh. As the song ended, and was replaced by something a little slower, louder, he couldn't help thinking that this was the most fun he'd had in months. He barely even noticed when Toris brought them both to a stop. What he did notice, though, was the hand that had moved from his hip to his cheek. He noticed Toris' eyes locked on his own, the way his face seemed to be slowly getting closer. 'He's going to kiss me,' he thought. Whether that was the case or not, he'd never know, because in that moment, the door handle started to turn. By the time it had opened, and Aunt Stefania had burst into the room, Toris had resumed his previous position. 

"What's going on in here? Who's idea was this?" She glared at Feliks. He was just about to reply, prepared to make an excuse up off the top of his head, when Toris spoke. 

"It was my idea, Ms. Lukasiewicz. I wanted to do something fun, since it was Feliks' birthday. Sorry for any inconvenience." She narrowed her eyes, searching for something in this situation that had slipped away the moment she'd touched the door handle. Something wrong, something bad, something that Feliks really wished had been allowed to happen. Not finding anything, she smiled thinly. 

"Very well. Now, it's getting late, maybe you two should head upstairs, get some sleep. You'll be traveling tomorrow, after all." She did have a point. Reluctantly, Feliks stepped back, away from Toris, and made his way up the stairs, wishing he hadn't let that moment pass. After all, who knew when they'd get another?


	6. Chapter 6

A.N- Hey, guys! This is the first update since I changed the title. I figured this would be a little more memorable, and I hope you guys like it too. Also, I know it's a little early for a Christmas special, but I didn't want to wait until December before posting it. I kinda consider this chapter a little bit of a breather, because it's a bit shorter than the last one, and it's the last chapter before things start getting a bit more serious. Hopefully you guys will enjoy both it and the chapters to come. Also, all the traditions in here are real Christmas traditions that both Poland and Lithuania share. As usual, I don't own anything. 

It was about a month now until Christmas day, and Toris still didn't know what to do. He'd found out from talking with Feliks that there were a few traditions their countries had in common. The problem lay, however, in finding the money to actually cover all the traditions. For instance, how on earth were they supposed to get twelve dishes of food, much less the ones they were supposed to have? Then there was the small issue that Feliks' birthday had brought up, of whether they'd even be allowed to celebrate Christmas in anything other than the most German way imaginable. 

"Um, Feliks," he began. They were sitting at the dining table, eating yet another bowl of turnip soup. "Do you think we'd be able to celebrate Christmas in a mixture of Polish and Lithuanian tradition, or would we have to do everything the German way?" Feliks frowned. 

"I'm not sure. I mean, my parents never stopped celebrating the Polish way, but that was probably because they were in the Resistance. Although, they never talked about it in public." He was looking down at the table now, with the troubled frown that had replaced the tears he got whenever he spoke about his parents. Toris smiled at him, hoping to cheer him up.

"Then that's what we'll do. We won't talk about it to anyone outside of this house." Feliks nodded, looking up at him again. 

The next few weeks flew by in a whirl of preparations, compromises and, ultimately, excitement. In fact, it was the day before Christmas Eve before they got to rest at all. Feliks was sitting on the old rug, looking into the fire. He had that troubled frown on his face again. Toris hated that look... he hated seeing Feliks so sad. He was certain, now, of what he felt towards Feliks. Even though it was scary, terrifying even, he also knew that if there was any way he could make him smile, he'd do it in a heartbeat. Right now, all he could think to do was be by Feliks' side; literally, if that was what it would take. He went to sit beside Feliks. 

"Is everything okay?" Feliks turned to him and rolled his eyes.

"I wish you'd stop asking me that, especially if the answer is so obvious. Of course I'm not okay. I want to go home, but I can't. I want to be with my family, but I can't face them. Not on my own. I know I shouldn't complain... not when you've got it so much worse... but I can't help it. I don't want to be here anymore." He stood up, and went to the front door. Toris stood up and followed him. 

"Feliks," he whispered, wanting to reach out and grab his arm, do something to make him stay, but he couldn't. "Please don't go." The thought of losing him hurt more than he cared to admit or dwell on. Feliks sighed and pulled on his boots and jacket. 

"Don't be silly, I'm not actually leaving. I just need to get out of here for a little bit."

"But where would you go? It's dark outside, and so cold. Even with your jacket you'd be freezing." Feliks simply grabbed his scarf and hat, putting them both on.

"I think I'll be fine. I'll probably just go to the park or something. Don't worry about me, I know this city well enough to not get lost." He opened the front door. "I'll be back in half an hour or so, alright?" 

"Alright." There was nothing else for it. He'd have to let Feliks go, even just for a little while. As he watched Feliks walk out the door and down the street, he couldn't help but feel a stab of pain, and he wished, not for the first time, that Feliks knew the true extent of his feelings. He shut the door carefully and went through to the main room. Soon, he collapsed into a chair. How could he have let Feliks go like that? He sighed, knowing that there was nothing he could do. Feliks was like fire, beautiful, but with a will of his own that made him impossible to contain if he didn't wish to be. All Toris could do now was wait, and hope that no harm came to him. 

An hour had passed since Feliks had left the house, and Toris was seriously starting to worry. Unable to wait any longer, he grabbed his coat, pulled on his boots, got a small lantern and a box of matches from the cupboard, and headed out into the night. 

He'd been outside for only a few minutes when he realised he had a problem. He had no idea where Feliks would've actually gone. The city was still unfamiliar to him, especially at night. He closed his eyes, trying to think. Where could Feliks be? Then, a spark of inspiration hit him. Of course, it made perfect sense. After all, Feliks had said he wanted to go home. Quickly, he made his way down the street, eventually stopping outside Feliks' door. He turned the handle, and pushed it. Surprisingly, it opened. 

"Feliks?" he called. "Are you in here?" There was nowhere else he could be, since nobody else had the key to this house, but it didn't hurt to ask. 

"Of course I am. The question is, though, why are you here?" Toris jumped, and looked around. The voice came from the living room. Following it, he found Feliks on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest. Toris sighed, and sat in the chair across from him. 

"You've been gone for an hour. Probably more than that, now. I was worried." Feliks glanced up at that, and Toris saw that his eyes were red, and his cheeks were tear-stained. He frowned, wishing there was something he could do to help, but not knowing where to start. 

"There's no need to worry. I was just going to come back." He got to his feet, wiping his eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stay so long. I didn't even realise... I guess I just lost track of time." He looked around the room one more time, then pulled on his jacket. "Let's go back." Before Toris knew what was happening, Feliks was already opening the door. 

"Are you definitely ready to go back? You know there probably won't be many more opportunities to come back here. You're lucky to still have it here, but I don't think you should come back again. Look around, there's nothing here anymore, at least, nothing that could really make it your home. It's just an empty house with a few old bits of furniture. It could've belonged to anybody." Feliks sighed, and nodded. 

"You're right. I have looked, and everything I didn't bring with me in September is gone. It's probably either been sold or destroyed. I don't even know why I came here. It was familiar, I suppose, and I didn't know where else to go. I'm ready to leave, though. It's weird. This place doesn't feel like home anymore. It's just an empty shell, a reminder of a life that's over." They headed out into the night, and Toris was surprised when Feliks slipped his hand into his. "Sorry," he muttered. "I'm cold," he added, by way of explanation. Toris sighed, but didn't let go. Honestly, he'd been waiting for over a year for something like this. No matter what the reason, he'd take it. 

In the end, they'd just managed to get the twelve dishes needed for Christmas Eve dinner. Feliks had got six, while Toris took care of the other six. It wasn't exactly the way it was supposed to be, but under the circumstances, it was the best they could do. As they sat eating the food, Toris debated whether or not to give Feliks his present now. It probably wasn't going to be as controversial as his birthday present, but hopefully he'd still appreciate the gesture. Before he could try to talk himself out of it, he slid the small package over to Feliks. 

"Here, this is for you. Merry Christmas, Feliks." Feliks smiled and took it. 

"It's not another symbol of revolution, is it?" 

"No, it's nothing like that. Just open it, okay?" He did, and saw a bracelet, made up of small, round dark green beads. For a moment, he held it in his hand. 

"Um, where did you get this?" Toris smiled. He'd half expected Feliks to reject it out right. After all, it wasn't exactly normal to get a boy something like this. He'd not really known what to get, until he'd noticed it one day at a market. It hadn't cost much, and it matched the colour of Feliks' eyes, so he'd decided to get it. 

"I bought it one day, at the market. You don't have to wear it, or even keep it. I'll try and get you something else, if you'd prefer." 

"No, don't. I'll keep it. I don't know whether I'll wear it, but you don't have to replace it." He slipped the bracelet onto his thin wrist. Before Toris could resume eating, Feliks stood up and went into the cupboard in the hall. He came back carrying a medium sized parcel, and handed it over. When Toris opened it, he found a striped scarf. The stripes were yellow, green and red, in that order. He glanced up at Feliks, who winked and smiled back. He'd done it on purpose. 

"Did you make it yourself?" he asked. Feliks shook his head. 

"No, Aunt Stefania did. She sent it over here when she was done, about a week ago. I think she understands the significance of the colours. I mean, anyone paying attention can see that you aren't Polish, and from there it isn't exactly difficult to work out that you're Lithuanian, if you know what to look for. I only know because you told me, and I told Aunt Stefania." Toris frowned, a vague sense of panic setting in. Was he really that obvious? In that case, why hadn't he been discovered?

"Um, Feliks, are you sure that this part of Poland is under German control?" he asked nervously. 

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is. Why do you ask?" Toris considered lying, but quickly thought better of it. Feliks deserved to know the truth. 

"I'm technically in a bit of trouble with the Russian authorities. For reasons I still haven't worked out, my parents and I were on a list to be taken out of Lithuania and moved elsewhere, presumably to some kind of prison or work camp. Now, my aunt came up with a plan to get all of us out, probably putting herself in danger too. Unfortunately, she only got me out. So for the past year and a half, I've been here, waiting for something to happen to change the situation and allow me to go back home." At least, that had originally been the plan. Now, though, he'd found another home, one that was much less tangible than the one he'd left behind. His new home, to put it simply, was at Feliks' side. 

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" Feliks asked, interrupting Toris' thoughts. His voice was quieter now, softer. 

"It never seemed like the right moment. Look, if you want to talk about this properly, we can do that later. Right now, I would just like to finish the meal and enjoy what's left of Christmas Eve, without having to actively think about who isn't here." He glanced at the empty place at the table- they hadn't been able to get an extra chair- before shaking his head and looking back at his plate. Much to his surprise, he felt Feliks' hand on his arm, and he looked up. 

"Sorry. I shouldn't have tried to pry. You're right, we should just try and enjoy this experience, without dwelling on the past. It's not going to do anything but hurt us." Toris couldn't help smiling, and returned to his food feeling slightly better. 

Later that night, Toris lay awake on the mattress, watching Feliks as he slept. He wished he could be a little braver, then he could easily tell Feliks how he really felt. Unfortunately, though, he wasn't strong enough to take that risk. An idea hit him. It was hardly anything special or courageous, but it would do. He leaned over and kissed Feliks' cheek. 

"Aš tave myliu," he whispered in his ear. He waited for some sign that Feliks was awake, but nothing happened. It wouldn't have mattered even if he had been awake, Toris thought as he drifted off to sleep. It wasn't as if Feliks would understand what he'd meant, after all. The explanation for that could always come later.


	7. Chapter 7

A.N- Hey guys, apologies for the wait, but here is chapter seven. I hope you guys like it! I've already started chapter eight, and it should be up this time next week. Don't forget to read and review, and as usual, I own nothing.

Warnings: This chapter contains mentions of the Holocaust, in particular the Warsaw Ghetto. There is also a little bit of blood at the end.

It was about halfway through January when Feliks realised he hadn't seen Daniel in what felt like a very long time. Whether it was accidental or not, though, he wasn't sure. If he was being honest, he wasn't sure he'd wanted to see the last living person to have contact with his parents- excluding the Gestapo men who'd killed them. Now that he was thinking about it, though, it might be nice to stop by and say hello, let Daniel know how he was doing. Plus, there was something he wanted to ask about, and this was as good a way as any to do it.

He decided to go over the next day. Toris was at work, but Feliks had a day off. It was just as well that they weren't both off. Otherwise, he'd never have been able to go. Whenever they both had a day off, Toris liked to spend it together. Feliks knew he could refuse, but he enjoyed Toris' company too much for that. Sure, it could be awkward, but it was still nice. He sighed, trying to put Toris out of his mind and focus on what he needed to do. It was becoming increasingly difficult not to think about him, but he could still just about manage it if absolutely necessary.

After a couple of hours, which admittedly had been largely spent wandering around the streets trying to talk himself both into and out of doing this at various points. In the end, though, he'd decided to go for it, and now he was standing outside Daniel's door, hand raised. Taking a deep breath, he knocked. After a minute or two, during which he seriously considering running away, the door opened, and Daniel stood in the doorway.

"Feliks? What are you doing here?" He asked, his eyes wide with surprise. Feliks forced a smile on his face.

"I haven't seen you in a while, I just wanted to let you know how I was doing." He glanced around, checking that nobody was listening, before he lowered his voice. "There's something else I wanted to ask you about, but I can't do it out here." Daniel frowned in confusion, but stepped aside to let Feliks in.

They made their way through to Daniel's small living room, and Feliks noticed a woman with long brown hair and a purple dress sitting in a chair in the corner. She was watching Feliks warily.

"Daniel, who's this?" She asked. Daniel smiled reassuringly at her.

"This is Feliks Lukasiewicz, he's Maria and Thomas's son." Feliks looked down at the floor. Even after all these months, it still hurt to hear anyone talk about his parents. What made it even worse was that Daniel had talked about them in the present tense, like they were still here, even though they both knew that wasn't the case. He seemed to have the woman's attention, though.

"Oh, you poor thing. That must have been so awful for you." Feliks stepped back, his hands clenching into fists. He knew she was only trying to be nice, but honestly. He was seventeen, not seven. He didn't need her pity.

"Yes, it was," he said stiffly. Daniel seemed to notice the tension, since he turned to the woman.

"Anneliese, dear, would you mind giving me and Feliks some space? We've got a few things to discuss." She nodded, and quickly exited the room. Daniel turned to look at Feliks. "So, how have you been?" Feliks thought about that for a moment.

"You want the honest answer?" Daniel nodded.

"It's been horrible, to be honest. I don't know how I'm able to keep getting up in the morning and doing anything..." He paused, thinking about it. "Actually, I do know. After... after September, I moved in with this guy, Toris, who is my best friend. For the last five months, he's indirectly kept me going. He took me in when he barely had room, and for that, I feel like I owe him something in return. So, I've kept fighting, even though it hurts, and doing things to help him, because it distracts me from the pain." There was more he could say, but that might lead to Daniel getting the wrong impression. Although, he wasn't sure if it counted as a wrong impression anymore.

"I see. So, you're managing alright, then?"

"Yeah, I suppose I am." He didn't really want to talk about this, if he was being honest. It wasn't what he'd came here to discuss. If anything, it had just been a cover-up, an excuse, a means to an end.

"That's good. So, what was the other thing you wanted to know?" Feliks took a deep breath, before he spoke.

"I wanted to know if you were still involved with the Resistance." He knew it was dangerous to ask things like that, and that there was a chance Daniel wouldn't be able to give him the answer he wanted anyway, but he had to try. To his surprise, Daniel nodded.

"Yes, I am. It's been hard, over the last few months, trying to build our numbers up without giving the game away to the Germans." He frowned. "You're not thinking about joining, are you?" Feliks sighed, and nodded.

"I have to. I need to do something, make them pay for what they've done. Please, Daniel, I know it's risky, I know I could end up in a lot of trouble, but I have to do it." Daniel stared at him for a moment, then started laughing.

"A lot of trouble? You'd call a bullet in your head, or being tortured to within an inch of your life a lot of trouble? I appreciate what you want to do, kid, but I think you're underestimating the severity of what you're suggesting. Your parents joined the Resistance to try and keep you safe. Do you really think this is an appropriate way to repay them for their sacrifice?" Feliks sighed, knowing Daniel was right. However, he wasn't willing to be guilted out of his decision. He knew it wasn't what his parents would want, but he couldn't let Daniel use them as leverage to talk him out of this.

"I do know the severity of it. But I can't let that stop me. I don't want to let my fear defeat me, not when there's something bigger that I need to fight for. Please, Daniel, just tell me how I get involved." Daniel sighed in defeat.

"Alright. Meet me here tomorrow night, and I'll take you to this week's meeting. You'll have to promise me, though, that you won't tell your room mate, or anyone else for that matter. You don't know who you can trust, and you can't take any chances." Feliks wanted to argue with that, since if there was anyone in the world he trusted, it was Toris. However, he was scared that if he protested too much, Daniel would change his mind. Instead, he just nodded.

"Yeah, of course. I promise I won't talk to anyone. Thanks for giving me a chance, I won't let you down." With a smile, he got to his feet. "I'll see you tomorrow, then." On that note, he left the house.

.

The following night, Feliks waited until Toris was asleep before getting ready to leave. He pulled the flower Toris had given him for his birthday and pinned it onto his jacket, figuring that it wouldn't matter who saw it, since it was dark. Putting on his hat, he left the house, opening and closing the door as quietly as possible. Making his way through the streets, he eventually found himself outside Daniel's door. Glancing around once again to make sure the street was empty, he knocked on the door. This time it was Daniel that answered him.

"Ah, there you are. I wasn't sure you were going to show up. come in." He opened the door a little wider and Feliks stepped inside.

"It wasn't easy to get away. I had to wait for Toris to go to sleep, and we're stuck sharing a room, so that makes it doubly difficult." He didn't mention the fact that they shared a bed- or, to be more specific, a mattress- since he really wasn't sure how Daniel would take that.

"Still, I'm glad you were able to leave. Now, if you can do the same again next week, everything should be fine, and I think we'll be able to make this work." Feliks nodded, and Daniel led him through to the back door of his house. He didn't say a word as he opened the door and led Feliks out through the dark streets.

After about ten minutes of walking, they arrived at another small house, and Daniel led Feliks through another back door into a crowded room. Immediately, Feliks felt nervous, looking around quickly for someone he recognised. Seeing only Daniel, he decided not to move from his side until it was absolutely necessary.

"Sorry, I'm late, everyone, I was bringing a new recruit. This is Thomas and Maria Lukasiewicz's son, Feliks," Daniel explained, gesturing to Feliks. The others in the room looked at him. Feliks noticed that most of them were men, and all of them were older than him.

"He's a bit young, isn't he? Are you sure this is a good idea?" One of the men asked, looking from Daniel to Feliks.

"I thought so too, but he puts up a pretty convincing fight. He might not look like much, but he's got a strong will. I'm sure we can find a use for him, though." Normally, the fact that he was being spoken for would annoy him, but in all honesty it would be better than having to actually talk to all these people.

"He can help us tonight, with tossing food to the Jews." The man suggested, and Feliks noticed for the first time that there were several bundles of food lying on the table in the middle of the room, all wrapped in blankets.

"That sounds like a good idea," Daniel agreed, then turned to Feliks. "How are you with throwing things, by the way?"

"Um, not too bad. Why is that a problem, though? What do they mean by throwing food to the Jews?" Daniel stared at him for a moment.

"You mean you don't know?" Feliks shook his head. "Not long after the war broke out, the situation changed for the Jewish residents here in Warsaw. First, they had to wear armbands with the star of David on their clothes whenever they went outside. Then, they were banned from public places such as parks, cinemas and cafes. What came after that, though, was the worst yet. They were driven into a poorer part of the city, and were bricked up in there. A few months ago, however, the majority of them were shipped off God-knows-where, most likely to die of starvation. However, what we're doing is strengthening up the ones who are still there, so that they can lead an uprising against the Nazis. It doesn't matter if it's a great or small victory in the grand scheme of things. At least it'll be a start towards freeing the world of these bastards."

Feliks stared at Daniel, trying to get his head around what he was hearing. He hadn't been stupid, he'd noticed the people who'd started wearing arm bands, people he might not have noticed before, who'd been there for a few weeks and then disappeared off the streets, but he hadn't thought about it too much. Now, though, he couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't noticed or questioned it sooner. He'd been too young, probably, too stupid to notice, too self-absorbed to care. That was in the past now, though. Now, he was ready to stand up and start changing things.

"Alright. So, is that what we're doing tonight?"

"Yes. Do you think you can be of any help?"

"Of course I can." He glanced around, noticing that the room was now empty. "We should probably go now, though, so we don't get left behind." Daniel nodded, and they headed out into the night.

They managed to catch up with the rest of the group, and soon found themselves outside the walls of the ghetto. They were very high, with barbed wire and what looked like shards of glass on top. Feliks wasn't sure if he'd be able to throw that high, but he knew he had to try, so he grabbed a package of food from the pile. Taking a deep breath, he threw it as high as he could. It sailed over the wall, and landed with a thud on the other side. Feeling quite pleased with himself, he waited for the others to be done. Once the last package reached the other side, the person who threw it started to run. Everyone else followed, even though there weren't any gunshots behind them, or anything else to give them reason to worry. Still, they ran like there was. By the time he made it to the house they'd come from, Feliks was breathless, but happy just the same.

.

For a few weeks, everything was going well. Feliks was managing to slip out of the house every week to go to Resistance meetings, and so far Toris didn't suspect anything. At least, Feliks thought that he didn't. If he did, he was keeping very quiet about it. Everything was going well, until one Wednesday night in February. Feliks hadn't really been thinking much about the upcoming meeting, too busy thinking about Toris' birthday and what he was going to do for it. He wasn't sure if there was anything he could give, and in the end he spent more time during the day thinking about that than he did thinking about what was going to happen at the meeting. On top of that, he was almost late again, which hadn't happened since the first time he'd came along. Still, he thought to himself as he and Daniel entered the meeting house, there was no way things could possibly get any worse.

"Is everything okay? You seem a bit distracted," Daniel whispered as they walked to the ghetto.

"Everything's fine. It's just my best friend's birthday soon, and I don't know what to do. I know there's bigger things to worry about, but I have to act like everything's still normal, so it would seem a bit suspicious if I didn't have anything for his birthday."

"I'll see if there's anything I can do. For now, though, try to put it out of your head. Right now, we've got an uprising to prepare for."

"You're right. If there's any way you can help though, that would be much appreciated." Daniel nodded, and they continued on their way.

The mission itself wasn't anything out of the ordinary. They all threw their packages, and prayed that someone on the other side would pick it up before the Germans did. It wasn't until the last package had sailed over the war that they realised they had a problem. Someone must've seen the movements, as all of a sudden, sirens started blaring. Searchlights clicked to life, but they'd all already started to run by that point. They weren't stupid, they all knew that aiding Jews carried the death penalty, and that the Germans here weren't afraid to inflict it. Unable to see where he was going, though, Feliks tripped and fell over, for the first time since this had all started. He banged his forehead off the pavement, and knocked his hat off.

"Are you alright? Daniel asked urgently, already helping him to his feet.

"I'm fine... I just need to go home." He wanted to see Toris right now, more than anything. Toris would help him, he'd take the pain away.

"Are you crazy? Your friend will notice if you're hurt. Come back with us, we'll patch you up, and you can go home in the morning."

"He won't even be up this late. I'll be fine. Besides, he'll suspect more if I don't come home until the morning.

"Fine then. Let me take you back to your house, at least, make sure you get there safely." Feliks nodded, although it hurt his head. He wasn't quite sure yet just how bad it was, but it felt wet, so that probably wasn't a good sign. He put a hand to where it was at its worst, and when he pulled it away there was blood.

"This is bad," he muttered, as Daniel led him through the streets back to his house.

"You'll be fine. Just keep your hand over it. If you apply pressure to the wound, that'll help stop the bleeding." He did as he was told.

"Eventually, they reached Feliks' front door. Nobody would be out of bed at this time of night, and there were no lights allowed anyway, so it didn't matter which door they used. Feliks rested his free hand on the doorknob, and opened the door. He was just about to step inside when Daniel spoke up again.

"Here, you dropped this." He handed over Feliks' hat, which he took gladly. They both said goodnight, and Feliks closed the door. For a moment, he stood with his back against it, then he sunk to the floor, wondering how he'd even made it back alive.


	8. Chapter 8

A.N- I actually started writing this while I was working on chapter seven, so I figured I'd post it the now rather than wait. It's a bit shorter than the last chapter. I hope you guys enjoy this one, please don't forget to review and tell me what you thought. Thank you to everyone who's left reviews so far, I've appreciated it. As usual, I don't own the characters. Don't forget to check back next week to find out what happens next!

Toris sat up the second he heard the door open, and had gotten to his feet by the time it closed. For weeks, he had known there was something Feliks wasn't telling him, and now he was determined to find out what it was. Stepping out into the hall, he was surprised to see Feliks just sitting leaning against the door. He hadn't even taken his dark green coat off yet. When he noticed Toris standing there, though, he jumped to his feet.

"What are you doing up?" He asked, a hand at his forehead.

"That's not important. Where were you? What happened to your head?"

"Nothing, I just... I just went out for some fresh air, that's all!" Toris stared at him for a moment. Did Feliks really think he was that stupid? He took a few steps closer, until he was standing right in front of Feliks. He took a hold of his hand, and lowered it to his side. There was a long, thin gash on Feliks' forehead, still bleeding, though not much.

"Feliks, what really happened?" Toris asked, after a moment. Part of him wanted to lean over and kiss the wound, hoping to take the pain with it, but the more sensible part of him told him that it would be better to wait for the bleeding to stop at least, before he did anything like that.

"I don't know if I should tell you... it's a secret." Toris rolled his eyes.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me, okay? I promise I won't tell anyone else. You have my word on that." Feliks nodded.

"Um, okay then. I'll tell you. We should probably go through to the living room first, though." That sounded like a good idea. Toris went to get a bucket of warm water and a flannel, and sat down beside Feliks at the table.

"I should probably clean your wound though, first," he explained. Feliks nodded, a hand covering his forehead again. Once again, Toris gently lowered Feliks' hand, and had a closer look at the cut. It didn't look too bad, but it was still worrying. Where had it come from? Had somebody hurt him, or had he fell? He sighed, and started to clean the cut.

"I know you want to know what happened, but I promised I wasn't going to tell you." Toris sighed, wishing that Feliks would just be honest with him for a moment rather than hide what was really going on.

"You know you can trust me, right? Whatever it is, I won't tell anyone."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Honestly, who am I going to tell? I don't know anyone in this city, and frankly the German soldiers here are all terrifying, so I wouldn't approach them even if I did have some dirt on you." Feliks smiled at that.

"Alright. In that case, I'll tell you. About a month or so ago I got involved with the Polish Resistance. Our mission for the last few weeks has been to deliver food to the Jews trapped inside the Warsaw Ghetto, and today was the first time since I started that we almost got caught. I ran with the others, and I must've tripped over a stone or something, but I ended up falling over and hitting my head off the pavement. It's probably not that bad, though." Toris stared at him, too shocked to respond. What was Feliks doing, joining the Resistance? Was he completely mad, or did he just have a death wish?

"You're mad," he whispered eventually, unable to think of anything more interesting to say. Feliks frowned at him.

"I'm not mad. I'm just doing what's right. You'd do the same if it was you, don't try and act like you wouldn't."

"I wouldn't, actually, because I'm not like you. I'm not as brave." Feliks stared at him.

"You think I'm brave?"

"Yes, I do. You're really brave, way braver than me. Look at all the things you've already lived through, and now this? Standing up to the Nazis like that, helping people who are worse off than you, knowing full well what risk you're taking? That's really brave." Feliks smiled, and all Toris could think about was what it would be like to kiss him. As he finished patching up Feliks' wound, he wondered what was stopping him. What was he waiting for? Feliks could die any day now, he was going to be constantly putting himself at risk until the war was won, that was just the fact of the matter. If he didn't do something now, he never would.

Before he could think about it, he leaned over and pressed his lips against Feliks'. Feliks pulled back almost straight away.

"Toris, what are you..."

"I'm sorry, I just... I've wanted to do that for ages, and now that you're in the Resistance, you'll always be in danger, and I'm scared that if I don't act now I-" Before he could go on, Feliks kissed him, resting a hand on his cheek to stop him from moving away. Even if the hand hadn't been there, though, he still wouldn't have pulled away. He'd been waiting so long for this, he wasn't about to stop now.

Toris wasn't really sure how long they'd been kissing, or when they'd stop. They were now standing up, holding onto each other tightly. Somewhere along the line, Feliks had taken his jacket off, and Toris couldn't help but wonder just how far they'd end up going. He knew that he wanted to stop at some point, but he wasn't sure when that point would be. Then Feliks ended up making that call for him, reaching his hands up between their chests to try and take Toris' shirt off. At that point, Toris pulled away.

"I think that's enough for tonight." Feliks frowned, but nodded.

"Yeah, you're right." Feliks was blushing, and Toris was pretty sure he was doing the same.

"Maybe we should go to bed. If you want to talk anymore, we can do that in the morning." He nodded, and they headed up the stairs to bed.

As they settled down on their mattress, Toris holding Feliks for the first time without him questioning it, Toris decided to ask something.

"Was that the first time you'd ever kissed anyone?" He wasn't sure why he asked. Curiosity, maybe. Regardless, he wasn't sure whether he'd imagined Feliks tense up in his arms or not.

"No, it wasn't. It was the first time anyone had ever kissed me, though. To be honest, I think I liked this experience more than the last time I kissed anyone."

"Me too. Although, considering the last person I kissed almost broke my fingers, the bar isn't set especially high," he replied, laughing lightly. He'd been so young when that had happened, long before the war. Natalya had been his age, the younger sister of one of his closest childhood friends, Ivan Braginsky. He hadn't thought about her in years, and even now he didn't plan on dwelling on her much.

"Seriously? And I thought the flat-out rejection I got was bad." Feliks interrupted his thoughts, bringing him back to the present.

"Maybe it was for the best. Maybe we had to be rejected then so that we could have each other now." He smiled, pulling Feliks closer.

"Yeah, perhaps you're right. I think I'm going to try and get some sleep now, though. I'll talk to you in the morning, alright?" He turned around in Toris' arms, and kissed his cheek before closing his eyes and falling asleep. After a few moments of watching him and listening to his heartbeat in the dark, Toris followed him, feeling more relaxed than he had in over a year.


	9. Chapter 9

A.N- Sorry this took a while. I meant to have it up a week after Chapter Eight went up, but I was unexpectedly busy. Still, I hope you guys enjoy it. Don't forget to read and review, thanks to everyone who has so far, and once again I don't own the characters.

When Feliks woke up the next morning, the first thing he was aware of was that his head ached. Then he noticed Toris holding onto him tightly, and he smiled. Memories of last night flooded his mind, and he lay there for a few minutes before starting to get up. Beside him, he heard Toris grumble.

"Do you have to get up right now?" Feliks rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway.

"Yes. I'm hungry, and I have to work today." If he was honest, he was making excuses. He didn't want to leave either, but there wasn't really much of a choice. They had to eat, after all. Before Toris could say another word, Feliks was already out of the room.

A few minutes later, he was in the bathroom, trying to have a quick shower before work, while also trying not to think about how nice it had felt to kiss Toris, to feel Toris kissing him back. That was the one thing he hadn't counted on, although he felt a bit silly now for not thinking it. After all, Toris was nothing like Gilbert, the last person he'd fallen for. He was just about to get out and start getting ready for work when the door creaked open. Looking around, he tried to work out whether there was any way Toris could see him, but upon realising that there wasn't, he settled for closing his eyes.

"Get out, get out, get out!" He heard the door open and close, and breathed out a sigh of relief. That was a whole world of awkward that he wasn't ready to deal with. Kissing was one thing, but anything else was out of the question. After a moment he sighed and got out, and started getting dressed for work.

When he left the bathroom, Toris was leaning against the wall outside.

"Sorry, I didn't realise you were in. I didn't mean to startle you." Feliks narrowed his eyes, not buying it. He sighed, and shook his head. There wasn't time for an argument just now, not over something that was probably just a mistake. Besides, he didn't want to ruin the good mood from last night. Instead, he headed into the kitchen to make breakfast.

He found it difficult to concentrate at work that day. His parents had made him get the job working in the local bakery, in an attempt to try and fix whatever problem he seemed to have with people. For seventeen years, Feliks had been having problems going to family parties, meeting new people and making friends. He still didn't understand what the problem was any more than his parents did, though he was sure it went deeper than simple shyness or anxiety about what other people though of him. By now, though, he was learning how to deal with it, and keeping this job was part of that. He sighed, and turned his attention back to the door, waiting for the next customer to walk in so that he could greet them with pretend politeness and a smile he didn't mean. That was the only reason he ever got this task, because he was good at acting, and terrible at actually baking. That was more Toris' area. As if thinking about him was enough to summon him, the door opened and Toris came into the shop.

"Hey, I didn't expect to see you here," Feliks said once Toris had made his way to the counter. He couldn't help but smile- a proper smile, not a fake one- even though Toris' own expression was serious.

"When do you get a break?" He asked. Feliks thought about that for a moment. His shift ended in a couple of hours, but he could probably afford to take a few minutes break just now. He wasn't exactly being run off his feet here, after all.

"I can take one just now," he replied. If he stayed behind the counter it should be fine. "What do you want?" He leaned over the counter, trying not to make it look too much like anything was going on that shouldn't be. After all, they weren't at home. Here, anyone could walk in on them at any time. Toris took a step closer.

"We need to talk about last night. About what it means and what we're supposed to do now." Feliks sighed. He'd known they were going to have to have this discussion eventually. It wasn't as if he could just kiss Toris and forget about it. That was never going to be an option.

"I know. Could we not do it just now, though? I'm working, and I don't think I could get a break long enough to cover everything that needs to be said." Toris nodded.

"Yeah, of course. Sorry, I should've thought of that. You keep working, I'll see you when you get back. We can talk then, alright?" He didn't sound quite alright, though. Feliks rolled his eyes and grabbed his arm before he could leave. Looking around quickly to make sure nobody was looking, Feliks leaned up, pulling Toris closer by his collar, and kissed him quickly. Before either of them could deepen it at all, he'd already pulled away.

"It's fine. Don't worry so much," he reassured him. Then a thought popped into his head. Ducking behind the counter, he put a small cake into a bag held it out to Toris. It was simple enough- green icing and a yellow flower, nothing too controversial- but he thought Toris might appreciate it all the same.

"Um, how much will that be?" Toris asked. Feliks just smiled.

"Well, you could consider it an early birthday present and just take it, or you could give me a few zloty for it, so that I don't get fired for giving away free food to handsome customers." Toris was blushing deeply at this point, and Feliks couldn't help but think he was really cute when he blushed.

After Toris paid the money and left, things quietened down again for at least another hour. Feliks was beginning to wonder if going home now wouldn't be such a bad idea, when the door opened again. Feliks frowned when he noticed that it was Daniel who'd walked in. He'd had a feeling that he might see his friend today, considering what had happened last night. He just hadn't thought that he'd show up here, of all places. Of course, in a way it made sense. The owner of the bakery was allied with the resistance, after all, so maybe he wouldn't get in too much trouble if word got around the shop he was involved. He shook his head, pushing the thought out if his mind. Instead, he looked at Daniel with a smile that was only a little bit forced, and tried to act ike everything was normal.

"Hi, what can I get you today?" Daniel rolled his eyes.

"I want to know what happened last night. Is everything okay? How much does your room mate know?" Feliks sighed, knowing that he had to be honest, and dreading what Daniel was going to say if he was.

"He knows everything. I'm sorry, I know I wasn't supposed to tell, but I couldn't lie to him any more. He knew something was wrong, and then I came home bleeding, I had to tell him the truth." Daniel sighed.

"Okay, okay, this isn't so bad. We can deal with this. You can come and stay with Annaliese and I, it's fine." Feliks shook his head.

"No, I'll stay where I am. I trust Toris, and I don't want to leave him if it's all the same to you." He managed to stop short of telling Daniel exactly what had happened last night, and why he didn't want to leave the place that had become his home.

"Alright. If you insist. If you want to put yourself at risk like that, I'm not going to stop you. If he turns you in, then on your own head be it. Don't say I never offered to help you." Feliks glared at him, his hands already clenched into fists.

"Don't talk about him like that. You don't know him, I do. So trust me when I say that he's not going to turn me in, and stop worrying about me for no reason." Daniel held up his hands, palms out.

"Okay, I get it. I'll take your word for it. Guess I've gotten too used to thinking everybody's out to get me or my friends." He paused, lowering his voice. "Still, I'd be careful if I were you. If you talk to enough people about that boy the way you just spoke to me about him, people will start to talk about you two, and then you'll really be in trouble." Feliks tried to maintain a neutral expression throughout all this, but in the end, something in his face must have given him away. "Feliks..." Daniel began. "They wouldn't be right to talk about you and Toris that way, would they?"

"How would you like me to respond to that?" he asked, looking down at the counter. It was strange how things had changed so suddenly. Just yesterday, if he'd been asked that question, the answer would've been exactly what Daniel wanted: no. Now, all of a sudden, things had changed.

"Feliks..." Daniel repeated. "You know that's not allowed. You shouldn't be with someone like him, it's not normal. Besides, think of what would happen if you were caught... Maybe you are better moving out of that house, so that you can be away from him." Feliks had never felt so angry, sad and hurt all at once in his life. Reaching up, he slapped Daniel across the face.

"Don't... you... dare try and tell me who I can and can't be with. You're not my father, you don't have any say in what I do. I know full well that there's risks, but you know what? Everything's got risks. You're camping in the woods, so you light a fire to stay warm. There's risks if you do that, and risks if you don't. This is no different. You're taking risks being married to Anneliese, because she's Jewish and it's a crazy effort just to keep her safe. Don't try and act like this is any different simply because Toris isn't a girl. And another thing, I know that's what you meant by someone like him. I'm not stupid. Let me tell you something, though. Toris is one of the kindest people I've ever known, and if it weren't for him, I honestly don't know where I'd be right now." Daniel stared at him in shock for a moment.

"Well, in that case, I'd better go. I didn't think you of all people would be this stupid, to let love blind you to the danger you're in. I just hope you don't let it get in the way of your work in the Resistance." He sighed, and walked out of the shop. Feliks watched him leave, part of him wishing he hadn't said what he did. Still, if he was being honest, he didn't regret anything. He just hoped things hadn't been damaged too much.


	10. Chapter 10

**A.N- Sorry this took so long. A lot of stuff has been going on, and I kinda lost interest in this story, but now I’m back. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Please read and review!**

Toris was pacing up and down the main room by the time Feliks got back from work. He knew they were going to have to have a conversation about what had happened last night, but he wasn’t looking forward to it. What if Feliks decided that it wasn’t worth the risk, that they’d made a mistake and shouldn’t continue? He shook his head, trying to tell himself that he was being silly. After all, Feliks had kissed him again in the bakery, hadn’t he? Just then, the door opened.

“I’m home,” he heard Feliks call. Toris stopped pacing and tried to look normal. Quickly, he grabbed a seat on the couch, trying not to let his foot tap on the floor, trying not to let his hands shake. He wanted to appear as calm as possible. The door of the living room opened, and Feliks came in.

“Hey,” he said, leaning against the door frame. He didn’t enter the room properly at first. Toris sighed, and got to his feet.

“You can come in, Feliks, it’s okay.” He sat back down, and Feliks took a seat across from him.

“So, who should talk first? Do you want to go first or will I?” Feliks asked, not quite meeting Toris’ eyes.

“I’ll go first.” For a moment, Toris didn’t speak, before continuing. “Do you think we’re doing the right thing? I mean, what happened last night… do you think it should be the start of something, or should we never do that again?” Feliks was silent for a long time. Toris wondered what he was thinking about, and what he was going to say next. Then he sat up properly, looking Toris straight in the eyes.

“No, I don’t think we’re doing the wrong thing. I know it’s dangerous, but I don’t think it’s wrong. I’ve wanted to do that for a long time… God, you have no idea how long. But I was scared before, in case you’d reject me, or worse, turn me in. But then you kissed me, and I realised I didn’t need to be afraid any more. So now, if you’re willing, I’d like it to be the start of something.” Toris smiled at him. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but he had to admit he was overjoyed at this outcome.

“I’ve wanted this for a long time too, Feliks.” He smiled. “I’m happy for this to be the start of a relationship. We’ll have to be careful, though. That means outside this house, there is no us. We carry on as if nothing’s happened. I know that sounds really bad, but I think it’s for the best.” Feliks was silent for a moment, before nodding.

“Yeah, I suppose that’s fair.” He smiled. “I don’t want to drag you into any danger too, not if I can help it.” Toris nodded.

“About that. That was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

“I’m not dropping out of the Resistance, if that’s what you’re wondering. I know you’re worried something’s going to happen, but I can’t give up now. I’m tired of feeling helpless, I’m tired of just carrying on day after day, waiting for things to change instead of going out and making a difference. I’m sorry, but I’m staying with it.”

“I understand that, Feliks. I’m not asking you to quit. I just want to know if there’s anything I can do to help. I’m probably not very useful, but I’ll do what I can.” Feliks tilted his head to one side, thinking about it.

“Well, aside from not saying anything to anyone outside this house, I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll think of something later on, but right now I don’t have any ideas.” Toris nodded, getting to his feet.

“Fair enough.” He paused. “I’m going to go make dinner.” Quickly, he left the room, blushing as he went.

Over the next few weeks, they developed a new routine. Their days became peppered with kisses, and the atmosphere between them relaxed considerably. Once a week, Feliks went out to his Resistance meetings, but it no longer felt like he was sneaking around, hiding something. Sometimes he talked about what was happening, but more often than not he said nothing.

One night, Toris was sitting at the table, waiting for Feliks to get back from his meeting. He crossed his arms on the table, resting his head on them. Just when he was about to fall asleep where he sat, the door opened and closed so quietly he almost didn’t hear it. In fact, he barely noticed Feliks was in at all until he entered the kitchen and took a seat at the table.

“You alright?” he whispered, lightly poking Toris in the arm. Toris glanced up and smiled at him.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He sat up properly, checking Feliks’ face carefully for bruises or other injuries. Finding nothing, and seeing no evidence of other damage, he smiled again. “How was your meeting?”

“It was okay,” he sighed. “I just wish they’d take me a little more seriously, you know? After all this time, some of them still treat me like a kid. I just don’t know what more I’m supposed to do, how else I can prove my worth with them.” Toris wasn’t sure what to say. He reached out and rested his hand on Feliks’ arm.

“You’ll work it out, I know you will. Just don’t worry too much, alright? Your time will come, it has to.” He took hold of Feliks’ hand and squeezed it slightly. “I believe in you. That might not be good for much, but it’s all I’ve got.” Feliks smiled broadly.

“That’s more than enough, Toris.” He stood up, and made his way towards the stairs. “Do you think we could got to bed, though? I’m really tired.” Toris got the feeling he wasn’t being told everything, but decided not to push it. Feliks would tell him more when he was ready to, if he was ready to.

That was the last meeting Feliks went to before the Ghetto Uprising began. From then on, he spoke less, went out more, and was generally less approachable. Despite his best efforts, it seemed nothing Toris could do would cheer him up, and after about a week he stopped trying, figuring it was better to just wait until all this was over.

It all came to a head one night in the middle of May. Toris knew something was wrong the second Feliks entered the house that night. As soon as the door was closed, he heard loud crying and what sounded like something being thrown against a wall downstairs. Leaping up off the mattress and climbing down the stairs so fast he almost fell- he’d stopped waiting downstairs weeks ago when it became clear Feliks wasn’t interested in talking any more- he burst into the main room to find Feliks, as he’d suspected, throwing things against the wall and crying. He’d picked up a plate, and was about to smash it, when Toris, moving faster than he ever had before, darted over and grabbed it out of his hand.

“Stop that!” He grabbed hold of Feliks’ wrist with one hand, drying his eyes with the other. Feliks struggled against him, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he took hold of Feliks’ other wrist, looking him straight in his eyes.

“Toris, let go of me,” he snapped, glaring up at him.

“Not until I know you won’t break anything. You’re going to end up hurting yourself.” For a moment, they just stared at each other. Then, without thinking, Toris leaned in and kissed him. With that, it was like the last few weeks melted away. All the stress, all the fear, vanished.

After a minute or two, once he felt Feliks kissing him back, Toris let go of his wrists and moved them to his chest, quickly taking off his jacket and letting it fall to the floor. Feliks rested his hands on Toris’ forearms, deepening the kiss slightly.

Toris wasn’t sure how much further this was going to go. By now, he had pinned Feliks up against the wall, not caring what lay at their feet any more, and their kisses had now developed more of a hunger, their hands wandering freely. They could go all the way… if only they could move away from the wall and up the stairs. However, it didn’t end up like that. Whilst Toris managed to successfully get Feliks’ shirt off, when he bent his head slightly to kiss his neck, he felt Feliks grab hold of his forearms again, digging his nails in.

“Stop this, Toris. Please,” he whispered. Toris looked up at him, but didn’t let go.

“What’s wrong?” Feliks frowned, pushing Toris away. This time, he got the hint and stepped back.

“This is wrong. Right now… I can’t do it, I’m sorry. I thought I could, but I can’t. Too much has happened tonight.” He picked up his shirt and turned his head away as he put it back on as quickly as he could.

“What happened, Feliks? What happened that was so awful that it almost made you break a plate?” Feliks still wouldn’t look at him, and Toris doubted he was going to tell him the truth either. “Feliks, please. Just this once, tell me what’s going on. Let me be a part of this, even if it just means you talk to me about what’s happening.” Feliks sighed.

“You want to know what’s going on? You want to know what happened tonight? We lost. The Uprising failed. Everything we did… It was all for nothing.” He clenched his fists and stared at the floor. Toris sighed and took hold of his chin, gently tilting his face up so that Feliks had to look up at him.

“Hey,” he whispered. Part of him wanted to kiss him again, but he decided not to push his luck. Instead, he said, “I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but things will look different in the morning. Maybe they’ll get better, maybe they won’t. But right now, let’s try and get some sleep, alright?” He wished he could just snap his fingers and fix everything, but he couldn’t. He felt so useless, and once again acting on impulse, he leaned in and kissed Feliks on the forehead. This time, though, rather than push him away, Feliks closed his eyes, leaning into the contact.

“I wish I could believe things will get better. But I’m not sure I do any more.” He opened his eyes again. “I am beyond tired, though, so why don’t we go to bed just now? I’ll give you more details tomorrow.”

“Will you, though? Or will you continue not to talk to me about what’s going on, and I’ll just sit here feeling like a useless footnote in your great story? I… I care about you, Feliks. I care about you a lot. But if you’re going to keep shutting me out like this, then I don’t know what I can do.”

“Don’t you get it?” Feliks snapped. “I’m trying to protect you. The less you know, the safer you are.” He sighed. “I didn’t realise it was bothering you this much, though. I’ll try and talk to you more. Just don’t expect immediate results.” Toris nodded, and started making his way upstairs. Part of him wanted to talk more, but frankly he was too tired.

However, the night wasn’t quite over yet. As they lay on the mattress, trying to get some sleep, the truth started to spill out of Feliks.

“We weren’t actually there to see the Uprising fail. We were told about it at tonight’s mission. We were told not to blame ourselves, that it wasn’t our fault. Some people took it like that, but I couldn’t. Maybe it’s just because I’ve not been at this long, maybe it’s just the way I am. But I couldn't help but feel guilty, like I hadn’t done enough to stop this. They told us that everyone in the ghetto had either been killed or taken to the camps.” He buried his face into Toris’s chest, seemingly done talking for now.

“I wish I knew what to say to you. All I can do is try and ask you not to take this personally. You can’t win this war on your own, and you’re going to have to accept that. Obviously, what’s happened today is horrible. I’m not saying that it isn’t. But you can’t beat yourself up over it, especially when there’s nothing you could’ve done.”

“I know. It just might be a while before I fully accept that.” He sighed. “I should try and get some sleep.” He looked up at Toris, smiling weakly. “You know, maybe I should talk to you more often. This actually made me feel a little better.” With that, Feliks resumed his previous position and fell asleep. Toris surprised himself with how quickly he followed suit.


	11. Chapter 11

**A.N- Alright, first of all, I am so sorry this took so long. I don’t know how long the next chapter will take, but I will try to make sure that it’s less time than this one took. To make up for it, this chapter is a little longer than usual. I hope you guys enjoy it! Don’t forget to read and review.**

Chapter Eleven

Feliks stared into the flickering fireplace. Ever since the failure of the Ghetto Uprising, his role within the Resistance had changed. He now mainly gathered key information, which was important, but it meant he was away from home at least a couple of times a month, sometimes more. Feliks knew that what they were doing was vital, but he still longed to go home. He knew that Toris hated these missions almost as much as he did, if not more.

_“I would feel a lot better about this if you would just tell me where you’re going,” Toris said, as Feliks packed his bag. He’d left it until the last minute, again. He would leave in the morning, but he hadn’t prepared at all._

_“You know why I can’t tell you. I wish I could, but it’s not safe.”_

_“What are you afraid of? That I’ll tell somebody where you are? You know I wouldn’t do that.”_

_“No!” Feliks protested. “I don't want you getting worried and coming to find me, then getting yourself in danger.” Toris sighed and got up from the bed. Walking over to Feliks, he took the shirt he was holding out of his hands, put it on the chair behind him and wrapped his arms around him._

_“I would worry about you, whether I knew where you were or not. But I would worry less if I did know. As for coming to find you, unless I thought something was seriously wrong, I wouldn’t. You know I’m not that brave.”_

_“You’re a lot braver than you give yourself credit for,” Feliks whispered, before leaning in to kiss him._

“Feliks,” Daniel said, nudging him. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” He sighed. “I just want to go home, that’s all.”

“Me too. But we’ll go home tomorrow, won’t we?” Feliks nodded. He and Daniel were back to being on friendly terms, which was working out well for them so far. They rarely talked about his relationship with Toris, which honestly worked just fine for him. Or at least, it would, if it didn’t feel like Daniel was so convinced that they were engaging in “inappropriate” activities every night that Feliks wasn’t with the Resistance. Feliks had said that that wasn’t the case, but Daniel didn’t want to know whether it was or wasn’t.

In all honesty, Feliks didn’t know why he hadn’t taken his relationship with Toris to that level yet. They’d certainly been together long enough now.

“Are you waiting for marriage?” Toris had asked him once. “Or are you just nervous?” Feliks hadn’t been able to answer him. With a sigh, he decided to do something about it once he got home.

“I understand how you feel,” Daniel said, snapping him from his thoughts. “I miss my Anneliese desperately.”

“At least you get to kiss her,” Feliks responded, frowning at the fire. It was November, and already too cold.

“We have to hide too, you know. You’re not the only ones keeping secrets.” For some reason, that annoyed Feliks.

“Really?” he said, incredulous. “I can’t even hold hands with the person I love outside of our house, and you want to talk about how hard it is for you to keep secrets? Look, I get that things aren’t easy for you. But they’re not any easier for me either.”

“You’re right, Feliks. Let’s just try and get some sleep, okay? We’ll be home tomorrow.” Feliks nodded and got to his feet. The room they were staying at that night wasn’t great- the cold got in easily, and they didn’t have a lot of space. Still, it would do. They usually did these missions together, because despite their differences, they still worked well together.

The next day, Feliks couldn’t wait to get home. They’d had to get the train back to saw, and even though Feliks knew that Toris probably wouldn’t be waiting at the station for him- they’d agreed that he would wait at home- he still felt his heart leap when the train pulled in at Warsaw Station. Despite himself, he scanned the crowds of people once he got off, and his heart leapt all over again when he saw Toris waiting for him among them. Feliks wanted to run to him and bury his face in his neck, but instead he walked calmly towards him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, just loud enough for Toris to hear.

“Never mind that,” he replied. “Let’s get home, we can talk there.” They started walking back towards their house, Feliks longing to be able to hold Toris’s hand.

It was late at night when they reached the house. Toris opened the door and let them both in, closing it behind them. For a moment, they stood in the hallway, looking at each other. Then Toris took Feliks’s face in his hands and kissed him. This was normal for when he came back from a mission- though this time it felt like there was something more happening. Feliks wrapped his arms around his neck, easing out the tie in his hair as gently as he could. He threaded his fingers through Toris’ long hair and pulled him closer. He was aware of his jacket and scarf being removed, and he had a feeling he was doing the same, but he barely noticed.

“Toris,” he breathed. “I really think we should go upstairs.” His meaning was clear, and Toris actually took a step back and looked at him.

“What are you saying?” Feliks smiled.

“I’m saying I’m ready to… you know...” He blushed. It was one thing to be thinking of having sex, it was another to actually say the words out loud. Toris seemed to understand what he meant, though, because he nodded and started heading up the stairs.

When they actually got into their shared bedroom, Feliks couldn’t help feeling nervous. He had never been so aware of the bed- they’d finally got a frame for the mattress- and he wondered how long it would take them to get there. Feliks understood perfectly what a big deal this was. This was putting complete trust in another person, more than he ever had before. This was being kissed and held and touched in ways he’d never been before, and as he watched Toris move about the room, straightening blankets and making sure the window was shut as firmly as possible, he couldn’t help thinking that there was nobody else he would rather be doing this with.

By the time Toris turned to face him, Feliks was trembling, though with what he didn’t know.

“You don’t have anything to worry about,” Toris whispered, moving to stand in front of him. He took his hands, and for a moment Feliks forgot they were in their bleak, draughty little bedroom. Then he smiled, deciding it didn’t matter. Yes, the bed would doubtless creak worryingly beneath them, and the blanket would be rough against his skin. Yes, they didn’t really have romantic candlelight or soft music in the background. But it didn’t matter, because they had each other.

“How do you know I’m worried?” Toris smiled, and reached out one hand to cup his cheek. With his newly freed hand, Feliks took a lock of his hair between his fingers, rubbing it back and forth.

“You’re biting your lip,” he said. “And you’re playing with your hair. You only do that when you’re really anxious.” Feliks blushed and his gaze shifted away from Toris’ blue-green eyes. “Hey,” his voice summoned him, and he looked back up into his eyes. “I love you.”

Feliks blinked at him. For a minute, those words almost hung in the air- he could practically see them, sparkling in the dark room. With those words, any uncertainties he’d had about what they were doing disappeared.

“I love you too,” he breathed, and leaned in to kiss him again. As they kissed, Feliks became aware of Toris’ hands moving up his chest to unbutton his shirt. He broke the kiss and took a step back.

“Is everything alright?” Toris asked, even as Feliks finished off unbuttoning his shirt and shrugged out of it. For a moment he stood there, not looking at him. He knew he probably wasn’t much to look at, but normally that didn’t bother him. Yes, he was a bit on the skinny side, but who wasn’t these days? There wasn’t enough food to go around any more. Now, though, he couldn't help feeling self-conscious. He rubbed a lock of his hair between his fingers, as he had been earlier.

“Look at me,” Toris whispered. Feliks did look at him, and his face grew a couple of shades warmer when he saw the look in his eyes. It was almost like a hunger, and he was pretty sure that he’d never seen anything like it. “You’re beautiful.” Feliks opened his mouth to protest, but before he could, Toris closed the gap between them again and kissed him.

It turned out he’d been right about the blanket being rough on his skin. He scarcely noticed, though. All he was aware of was Toris kissing him, their bare chests now pressed together. He tangled his fingers once again in his long hair and kissed him just as fiercely as Toris was kissing him. Their hands wandered all over each other, and Feliks’ eventually found their way to Toris’ waist, attempting to push at the waistband of his trousers.

Smiling, Toris got to his feet and quickly took off the rest of his clothes. Feliks looked at him for a moment, his face heating up a little more than it already was. After a minute, Toris moved back on top of him, kissing him deeply.

“I love you,” he whispered again, moving his hands down to Feliks’ hips, taking off his own clothes. Feliks had expected to feel shy at this part, but he surprised himself by not feeling anything like that.

“I love you too,” he whispered. He felt like it was necessary to whisper, because even though it was late, he didn’t know how much noise it was safe to make. So as long as he could, he would stay as quiet as possible. Toris would probably tease him about this, say that he couldn't stay quiet to save his life.

He thought he was doing quite well with staying quiet, until Toris moved his hand down between them, and took hold of him firmly. Feliks bit his lip, holding back the sound that threatened to escape his lips. Until that point, he hadn’t realised how much he’d wanted Toris to touch him like that, but now he hoped he wouldn’t let go. He closed his eyes- it was the only reaction he would allow himself to have.

“Are you alright? You’re a little quiet,” Toris whispered.

“I’m scared to make a sound,” he admitted. “I don’t want anyone to hear us.” Toris smiled and kissed him.

“Don’t worry about that,” he whispered, though Feliks couldn't help worrying- and he could tell that he wasn’t the only one.

“If you don’t, neither will I.”

“I’m not worried.”

“Yes you are.” He leaned up to kiss him again, effectively putting an end to that conversation.

It occurred to Feliks that they should maybe be talking more, making more noise. Yet at the same time, he was glad that they weren’t- even if his lips were starting to feel numb from all the kissing. Besides, with Toris’ hand now stroking him quickly, no words came to him.  
Frustratingly, though, Toris let go of him just when he felt like he was hovering over the edge (though what he was on the edge of, he didn’t know.)

“Toris!” he exclaimed without thinking. Toris smiled at him.

“Sorry,” he replied, reaching his hand around and slowly easing a finger into him. Feliks’ eyes flickered closed again, adjusting to the new feeling.

“It’s okay,” he breathed. Once he’d adjusted to the feeling, he moved his hands from Toris’ shoulders, back up to his hair. He wanted more, but he didn’t want to ask. Fortunately, though, Toris put another finger in, obviously trying to prepare him for what was to come.

“Is there anything we can use to… you know, make this easier?” Feliks frowned.

“I don’t know.” Toris sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“We might just have to make do.” He paused. “I don’t want to hurt you, though.”

“I’ll be fine,” Feliks said, though secretly he was anxious. Almost to distract him, Toris started a trail of kisses down his neck, as he guided Feliks’ legs around his waist and slowly, carefully eased into him. Feliks bit his lip so hard he tasted blood, in an attempt to hold in the loud groan that threatened to escape him.

“Does that hurt?” Toris asked, remaining in place above Feliks to allow him to adjust to the sensation. Feliks shook his head, even though it did hurt a little. However, he was distracted from the pain when Toris kissed him once again.

It didn’t take Feliks long to adjust, and before long the pain faded, replaced by pleasure as Toris moved in and out of him.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, before reaching down between them again and taking hold of Feliks once again.

As much as Feliks would have preferred otherwise, it wasn’t long before they both came apart, putting an end to the whole thing. For a minute, the two of them lay there, catching their breath. It wasn’t long, however, before the pleasure faded, and Feliks came back down to earth. He gently shoved at Toris’ shoulders, wanting him to take the hint and pull out of him. Fortunately, he did, and he felt Toris put his hands on his hips as he eased out of him, as slowly and carefully as he’d eased in.

“Are you alright?” he whispered. Feliks nodded.

“Of course I am,” he replied. Pressing another kiss to his forehead, Toris moved off him. Instead, he put his arms around Feliks, who rested his head on his chest. It was a familiar position, but even so, it felt different tonight. For a while, they were quiet. Then, Toris spoke.

“What are you thinking about?” At first, Feliks wasn’t sure how to answer him. Then he replied.

“I’m hoping that nothing bad happens after tonight, and if it does, then we can just freeze time right now and not have to deal with it.”

“Do you think anyone heard us?” Toris asked.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” he admitted. “I want this to stay between us.”

“How do you know you can trust me, then?” Toris whispered. “For all you know, I might tell somebody about this.” He was joking, of course, and they both knew that.

“I think if you were going to do that, you would’ve done it by now.” At first, Toris didn’t reply. Instead, he rolled them over, so that Feliks was on his back, and grabbed his hands, holding them by the sides of his face.

“I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe I’m a spy, here to seduce you and find out all your secrets. Maybe, once I’ve got you at your most vulnerable, that’s when I’ll strike.” With that, he leaned down to kiss him. Feliks sighed and turned his head.

“That’s not funny, Toris.”

“You’re right,” Toris replied, moving off him once again. They resumed their previous position. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Feliks rolled his eyes, and he shifted so that he was looking down at Toris, before he kissed him.

“It’s alright.” He rested one hand on Toris’ cheek, and kissed him once again. When he pulled away, he smiled. “I love you,” he whispered, before turning back around again, resting his head against Toris’ chest.

That was how he ended up falling asleep that night, listening to Toris’ heartbeat. His last thought before he fell asleep was that no matter what happened as a result of what they’d done tonight, it would be worth it.


	12. Chapter 12

**A.N- Hey, guys. I didn’t expect to be updating so soon, but here we are. Hopefully you guys like this new chapter. I don’t know how long chapter thirteen will take. I’m coming to the end of my first semester at university in a few weeks, so hopefully at that point I’ll have more time to write. Anyway, don’t forget to read and review, and as usual, I don’t own anything.**

Chapter Twelve

The next morning, when he woke up, Toris was almost surprised that he didn’t feel colder. He was a little colder than usual, the early morning air hitting his bare arms, which were holding onto both Feliks and the blanket. This was nothing unusual- the last fourteen months had taught him that unless he kept a firm hold of the blanket, Feliks would end up stealing it in the night without meaning to. If there had ever been a night that this wasn’t something he wanted, it was probably last night.

For a few minutes, he lay beside Feliks, not wanting to move. He stroked his hair, before leaning in to kiss his forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered against his skin. As he said the words, he wondered how it had taken him this long to say them out loud. He was glad that he had, though. Beyond the effect it had had on Feliks, which had of course been very satisfying, just saying the words brought its own satisfaction. He wanted to keep saying them, to make sure that Feliks always knew that he meant them.

Feliks stirred not long after that, though it took him a minute or two to wake up. When he did, he turned his head to kiss Toris on the lips.

“Let’s not go anywhere today,” he whispered. “Let’s just stay here instead.” Toris smiled.

“That would be lovely.” Then he paused, frowning slightly. “Are you alright after...” He trailed off. Feliks sighed and leaned up a little to kiss Toris on the forehead.

“I’m fine. A bit sore, but-”

“Sore?” Toris cut him off. His obvious concern earned him another kiss on the forehead.

“Only a bit.” He sighed. “Really, it’s not that bad.” Toris frowned, but decided to take his word for it. Feliks shifted so that his head was on Toris’ chest, as he often did. For a couple of minutes, they were quiet. Then Toris decided to break the silence.

“Can I ask you something?” Feliks nodded. “Can you promise me that you won’t leave again?” He could feel Feliks stiffen in his arms.

“Don’t ask me that.” With a sigh, Feliks rolled away from him, to the other side of the bed.

“Why not? I don’t know if I can keep living like this, Feliks. I can’t stand this worry, this feeling like you’re not going to walk back through the door or step off the train again.”

“What do you want me to do?” Feliks sighed. Toris thought this had to be one of the quietest arguments any couple had ever had, but it was essential that this was the case. It was a matter of survival. If they didn’t raise their voices, it would become harder for people to listen to what they were saying. Toris groaned in frustration, wishing that just once he could feel like he was allowed to yell.

“I don’t know, Feliks. I just want you to be safe.” Feliks gave him a look. “Well, as safe as you can be.” He sighed. “I just wish you would think about me for once- about how this is affecting me. Is that so bad? Is that such a selfish thing to want?” Feliks sighed, shifting onto his back and slipping his hand into Toris’.

“It’s not selfish,” he whispered. “I don’t know what I can do, though. I can’t turn my back on the resistance, not now. I’m sorry it’s causing you so much pain, I really am. But I don’t know how I can make things any easier for you.” Toris shook his head and reached for Feliks, pulling him close.

“Don’t leave,” he breathed. “Not for good. Do what you have to, go where you need to, just come back. And don’t die, if you can manage it.”

“I’ll do my best.” He smiled. “Come here,” he whispered. “It’s too early to be talking this seriously.” Without another word, he kissed him on the lips. “I love you,” he said as he pulled away. “I should’ve told you that months ago, but better late than never, I suppose.” Toris kissed him again, before he responded.

“I wanted to tell you a long time ago, too. I don’t know why I didn’t.” Feliks smiled.

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you told me.” They kissed again, and this time, Toris moved them so that Feliks was on his back, and Toris was leaning over him. Less than a minute later, Feliks turned his head, breaking the kiss. “Stop,” he whispered. Toris shifted off of him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. Feliks shrugged.

“Nothing. I just don’t want to, not right now.” Toris smiled, and kissed his forehead.

“Alright.” He sat up after that. “In that case, do you want to get up instead, and maybe have some breakfast?” Feliks nodded. They both got dressed quickly, stealing occasional glances at each other as they did so. Once, Feliks caught Toris in the act of looking at him. Toris smiled at him. “You’re beautiful.” Feliks blushed and looked away.

“I don’t know about that,” he muttered, putting on his shirt. Toris sighed, and walked around the bed. He took hold of Feliks’ hands, and looked into his eyes.

“I do,” he whispered, before leaning in to kiss him again.

It was with some reluctance that Toris left to go to the market that day. He always went on Thursdays, since it was his day off, but he’d never wanted to stay as much as he had today. It was stupid, of course. Feliks was going to work, too, so it wasn’t like they would be together even if he stayed.

“I wish I could stay off,” Feliks said as he shrugged on his jacket. “It’ll be fine, though. I’ll see you tonight.” He turned to face Toris, reaching up to loop his scarf around his neck. “Kiss me,” he breathed, still holding onto the ends of the scarf. Toris smiled, and kissed him. It was a brief kiss, but it was enough for the time being.

He was still smiling when he reached the market, though it was less noticeable now. Fortunately, nobody paid any attention to him. Nobody, that is, until he bumped into a man perhaps two or three years older than him. The man had colouring similar to his own, though his hair was darker, and there was no blue in his eyes, only green.

“Sorry,” he muttered, moving to step past him. The man grabbed his arm before he could walk away.

“You’re him, aren’t you?” he said. “You’re Feliks’… um...”

“Yes,” Toris replied, stiffly. “Yes, I am.” There was no point lying about it, he clearly already knew. He frowned at the man, wondering who exactly he was. “How did you know?”

“I have an ear for accents, and Feliks said you weren’t from around here.” Toris sighed.

“He told you about me?”

“Only a little. Only that you’re not Polish, and you know about what we do, but you’re sworn to secrecy.” He shrugged. “The rest I can figure out on my own.” The man looked around for a moment. “Maybe we should go somewhere a little quieter to talk properly.” Toris nodded, and they started to walk away from the market.

Once they were a safe distance away, and they were alone, Toris decided to ask the man who he was.

“What’s your name?” he asked eventually.

“Daniel Hedervary,” the man replied.

“That’s not a very Polish name,” Toris commented.

“Neither is Toris. You’re right, of course. I’m not Polish, I’m Hungarian.”

“So why join the Polish resistance?” Daniel shrugged.

“I’ve lived here since not long before the war. It’s where I got married, and hopefully where I’ll have my children.” He smiled. “Anneliese wants to wait until the end of the war, if possible,” he added, by way of explanation. “I consider this place to be my home now.”

“That makes sense.” He knew that he would probably do the same, except he didn’t have whatever fire burned inside the heart of Feliks and the other rebels that compelled them to fight. He decided to change the subject. “How much do you know about me, exactly?”

“Only what Feliks has told me. Where you’re from, what you look like, that sort of thing. He doesn’t talk about you much, mainly because he thinks I don’t want to hear it.” He shrugged. “He’s not entirely wrong, of course. There are things I don’t want to know about, that I don’t even want to think about, if I’m perfectly honest.” Toris understood what he meant, but he decided not to respond. Instead, he decided to go back to the market.

“Alright.” He turned around. “I’d better go, though. Keep an eye on Feliks, okay? He’s going to get himself into serious trouble one of these days, and I might not be there to help him.” Daniel nodded.

“I will.” He was silent for a moment, then he spoke again. “You’re serious about each other, aren’t you?” It was Toris’ turn to nod. “Very well. Can I ask you a favour, too?” Toris nodded again. “If something happens to me, and it’s within your power to do so, help my Anneliese, alright? Help her get somewhere safe.”

“I’ll do what I can.” With that, he headed back to the market.

By the time he got home, he still had an hour or so before Feliks came home. He put the food away in the cupboards, before settling down on the couch to read a little.

When Feliks came in, Toris was still reading. He was so engrossed, he didn’t even realise Feliks was home until he entered the living room. Once he saw him, he set down the book.

“Hey,” he said. Feliks didn’t reply, instead, he came over to the couch, curled up in the empty space and rested his head on Toris’ lap. “Rough day?” he asked, looking down at him.

“Just tired.” Toris took one of his hands, running his free hand through Feliks’ hair.

“Maybe you should go to bed, then.” Feliks smiled.

“Not yet. Right now I just want to lie here with you, if that’s okay.”

“Of course,” he replied. “Did you manage to get anything nice from the bakery today?” Feliks shook his head.

“Not today, sorry.” He looked up at Toris then. “Did you get me anything nice from the market?” Toris lifted their hands, and kissed Feliks’ fingers.

“Yeah, I did. I actually ran into your friend while I was there- Daniel, I think.” Feliks frowned slightly.

“You met Daniel? How did that go?”

“Not too bad, actually.” They were quiet again for a little longer, and Toris thought that Feliks might have fallen asleep. After a few minutes, he rested a hand on his shoulder. “Are you awake?” His eyes were shut, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. He opened his eyes.

“Yeah, I am.” Toris smiled down at him.

“Come here,” he whispered. Feliks took the hint straight away, shifting so that he was sitting in his lap, his legs on either side of his hips. As soon as he’d settled into this position, Toris kissed him, resting one hand on his cheek to hold him in place. Feliks pulled away after a minute.

“You’re insatiable,” he teased. “I’m not going beyond this, you know- not right now, anyway.”

“Alright.” He leaned in and kissed him again. “Maybe I’m insatiable- or maybe I just can’t resist you.” Feliks blushed, but smiled anyway, before resuming the kiss.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Feliks whispered between kisses.

“I can think of worse ways to go,” Toris replied. He leaned in once again to kiss him. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered when he pulled away. Feliks looked away from him, and Toris reached out to cup his face in his hands. “Look at me,” he whispered. Almost reluctantly, Feliks looked into his eyes. “You are beautiful, alright? Even if you don’t see it, it’s true.” Feliks smiled a little, and his cheeks turned pink. Before either of them could say any more, they were already kissing again.

Toris never realised how much he missed kissing Feliks until they were both at home. At that point, it was difficult to stop. This was hardly the first time they’d kissed like this, yet every time they did, it felt like it was happening for the first time. Not only that, but it felt as though a line had been crossed now, and there was a good chance that if they continued as they were, they would end up going upstairs, and things would only escalate from there, the way they had last night. Toris knew that if that was to be the case, he should probably stop now, but that was far easier said than done. If they were going to stop, then it would have to be something they both did.

Feliks did not object when Toris slid his hands under his shirt, running up and down his back. Nor did he object when he moved them up his chest, and started to unbutton his shirt. Clearly, he didn’t consider this a step too far. For a moment, Feliks broke the kiss in order to take off his shirt, before picking up where he’d left off.

It wasn’t until Toris started kissing his neck that Feliks protested at all. Even then, it wasn’t until he bit his neck, which Toris realised too late could very well leave a mark. Feliks groaned, then shook his head a little.

“Shit,” he muttered, quickly getting to his feet and standing a few paces away from the couch. He pressed a hand against the side of his neck, which was going a bit far, in Toris’ opinion.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, concerned.

“Someone could’ve heard that. And if they haven’t, and this leaves a mark, someone is bound to notice.” He started to pace up and down a little. “Shit, shit, shit,” he muttered. Suddenly he turned to face Toris. “You should never have kissed me that night, then we wouldn’t be having this problem.” Toris sighed and walked towards him.

“If you hadn’t kissed me, we wouldn’t be having this problem. Don’t pin this on me, when we’re both involved.” He shook his head. “Who am I kidding? It was always going to happen. There’s no point getting mad at each other for it, when neither of us could help it. We both feel the way we feel. I don’t know about you, but I certainly think I’m better off for acting on my feelings for you.” He took hold of Feliks’ hand, lifting it up to his chest. “I know it’s difficult, and I know it might not always feel like it, but I do feel like we’re doing the right thing.” Feliks sighed, and squeezed Toris’ hand.

“You’re right,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I snapped.”

“It’s alright,” Toris replied. He lifted their joined hands a little higher, in order to kiss Feliks’ fingers.

“I hate that it has to be like this,” Feliks muttered. “I hate that we’re not safe to be ourselves no matter where we go. Even here, in our own home, we’re still not completely safe.”

“Me too.” Toris wrapped an arm around Feliks’ waist, pulling him closer. “I still think we could make it work, though, if you want to.” Feliks smiled at him.

“Of course I do. I don’t want to go back to the way things were before we kissed. I shared two secrets with you that night, and I don’t regret either of them.” They were standing close enough that Toris could feel Feliks’ breath when he spoke, warm against his cheek. For a minute or two after that, they were both quiet. Then Feliks spoke again. “Sorry to change the subject, but would you mind taking a look at my neck?” Toris nodded. Feliks moved his hair to one side, to make it easier for him.

“Your hair’s grown a little,” he commented. “It suits you.” There was a faint mark on Feliks’ skin, but it would be easy enough to conceal. Smiling, Toris leaned in closer, planting a single kiss on the side of his neck.

“You’re hopeless,” Feliks muttered, though Toris could tell he was smiling too.

“Hopelessly in love with you,” he replied. Feliks laughed at that.

“Come here,” he whispered. Toris didn’t need to be told twice. He lifted his head so he was looking back into Feliks’ dark green eyes. Resting one hand on his cheek, Toris kissed him.

They didn’t do anything more than kiss that night, and though Toris was a little disappointed by this, he went along with it. As he settled down next to Feliks, just before he fell asleep, he sent up a silent prayer.

 _If there is a God in this world,_ he thought, _Don’t let him take Feliks away from me. And if he has to go, then bring him back alive. That would be enough for me. I won’t ask for anything else, just keep him safe._

It was just a shame that the last part of the prayer fell on deaf ears.


End file.
